The Player Syndrome

A friend of mine told me a story of when she first met me. Just after we met, someone asked her:
"Have you met Kev before?", to which she replied in the negative. Her friend's response (or some variant of this):

"He's quite friendly, but he's a bit of a player"

What the...??

The reasoning was that I flirted with a lot of chicks when I'm out and about.
I've always been of the thought that being a player implies a certain sense of purpose to your actions, that you deliberately set out to mislead a girl for some booty calling. Can a person be an "accidental" player? Isn't that a contradiction in terms? If you are just a friendly person, can that be misconstrued as "playing"?

Most of the time I do not wish for such a title. It has the potential to detract from chicks that might actually like me, to be a bit more guarded when they chat. However, I'm generally an optimist, and would like to look at it from a different perspective...at least I don't stop meeting new people!

You just have to be honest with your intentions, I think. If casual is what you want, then say it. There's no right and wrong in these situations. If I'm feeling the same, I'll let you know.

Oh well, as my good friend Jo says "let a player play, y'all!"

Damn! 23 cheap calls already:

you know, certain girls can be drawn to these kinds of reputations too ... you knooow you want it babee!
al - 12 September '04 - 23:49

Just be thankful you don't suffer from the "nice guy syndrome" - trust me, it's not that great!
shuai - 13 September '04 - 04:09

Flirting = playing? I tend to agree that some people are naturally flirty, touchy-feely and sociable, which can be misconstrued as playing as you say. You would fit into this category, no?

The word 'player' often has negative connotations, but to me it simply means a person who is not looking for a serious relationship. As long as a)you're honest b)you're single c) the ppl you play with are single too, then the world's your oyster. Play away. Go Jookboy go.
beckster (link) - 13 September '04 - 05:24

Man, you're not a player. A player 'plays someone', in terms such as you have fun with people, play them for what you think they're worth so to speak, and then move on. Players may also string women along, in multiples usually, and I don't think you do that, do you?

If you can safely say to yourself that you don't play women like puppets, that you aren't just out to use women like your name was 'Pimpin Hoes' Chung, that you don't cheat on the ladies that you're seeing... if you can say these things to yourself and truly believe them, then you're not a player. You're just a single guy, and like a lot of the other single guys out there, you're just trying to meet someone. You can't do that by keeping to yourself and twiddling your thumbs right?
Dre - 13 September '04 - 07:05

I'm with dre. I don't think u r a player in the sense of the word we use today. U don't set out with negative intentions towards the women u are friendly with. Any reputation u get as such is more a factor of ur relative environment, i.e. what the people around u regard as the norm. U'd be goody 2 shoes over here jb.
pskis - 13 September '04 - 08:32

don't worry dude, i wouldn't rate you as a "player" in the true sense of the word.. extremely jolly, very friendly, tremendously hypo (esp when usher's on) - yes, but not a player :)
so (email) - 13 September '04 - 13:24

I totally agree with dre and pskis too. You;re not a player in the negative sense. But i can see why ppl say that. To me you're just overly friendly and like making friends and are 'playing' the field which does not mean u play around with gals hearts and then squish them. So in that sense, PLAY ON!.

Meanwhile, beckster is a wanna-be-player HAHAHAHA Stop breaking guys hearts you foxy chick you!.
Addy - 13 September '04 - 14:22

Don't you just LOVE how everyone's saying you're 'overly friendly' JB? What's that supposed to mean, is that akin to being overly nice or overly helpful ie. too much of a positive makes a negative?? Agree with Dre, you're a single dude trying to meet the one, that ain't going to happen while you knit booties at home.

Whaaaat?! Addy you're creating a rep for me on JB's blog! And if anything I'm the real thing, not a wannabe =p.
beckster (link) - 13 September '04 - 18:14

Quality cheap calls round!

- Break out from that nice guy syndrome Shuai!
- Yes, touchy-feely and sociable I am. Aren't you the same...or that only on Friday nights? :P
- No multiple action Dre, and no cheating. It's all about trust
- Yes, pskis, Vietnam is a next port of call
- Usher Usher!
- Wanna-be-players unite! :)
JookBoy (link) - 13 September '04 - 19:38

I agree with your friend Jo.

Let a playa play ya'll...shhiaaat~
ricegrains (link) - 13 September '04 - 20:02

"Overly friendly" could be an issue. Maybe I just need to direct that friendliness a bit more!
JookBoy (link) - 13 September '04 - 20:28

BECKY IS A PLAYER! SHE Broke my heart!!! DAMN YOU BIATCHHHH :P
Addy - 14 September '04 - 04:34

well Becks.. you DID pick me up in a club... and our relationship has grown from strength to strength since. I got them butterflies that you talk about on your blog that nite... :) *sigh* hee hee
so - 14 September '04 - 04:54

hmm...the comment your friend made after someone asked her when she first met you...well that was the same conclusion i had after i first met you too.

someone asked what i thought of you, and as a first impression your are very friendly...but the more i saw you, i came to realise that it was part of your nature to be a really friendly, fun-loving guy w/genuine intentions...nothing player like.

dont change...
petals - 14 September '04 - 07:39

I'm touchy-feely and sociable on saturday nights too JB =p. See how many of us luv you the way you are? Don't change. Perhaps re-direct as you say, but don't change.

Addy: I thought I broke your shoulders, not your heart! Let's go bench-press together biatch.

I got butterflies from you as well So, maybe you can help me strengthen that player image and pump up the girl-on-girl action to make the boys drool. Still swear it was YOU who picked me up at 333!! You're just in denial over how much you were attracted to me!!
beckster (link) - 14 September '04 - 08:10

My conclusion after first meeting u jb was that u were a bit of a d!ck. U were wearing a Goofy tie (or was it a badge?) and u were mopping up the drink i'd spilled on my school uniform with ur own trouser leg.
Thank goodness u don't wear Goofy accessories anymore.
pskis - 14 September '04 - 10:31

di - at least that we know of!!! send me an email - lost your deets
bjee - 14 September '04 - 10:53

"The same conclusion"? Noooo....
And why do people keep asking other people what their first impressions of me are??

hehe, yes Bec, I'll keep that in mind :P

pskis, I swears there was no towel around. Obviously trying to be a gentlemen doesn't cut it anymore :)
Yes, fortunately I came to my senses, and the Goofy accessories have been archived.
JookBoy (link) - 14 September '04 - 13:14

errr... i know i'm going to get my arse wooped for this call, but kev, could it be cause you're hanging out with the stereotypical asian crowd most of the time? and the ppl in that crowd are probably very "straight", very "moralistic", and consider anything outside of holding hands - playing around? harsh over-generalisation, but you get the picture. now excuse me while i run for cover -reenie hides out in a nuclear bunker-
reenie - 14 September '04 - 13:34

C'mon Reenie...you know better than that! As the alpha-stereotype-Asian-crowd-male, I can safely say that...well, we won't swoop.

For now.

You have been warned.

Hee~ :)
ricegrains (link) - 14 September '04 - 16:45

Player?! You WISHZ0r you was a playaZ0r!!! LOL.

at least your not known as "Dodgy Kev".. imagine that :)

Ok ok, when someone asks me about you I will say "oh, you mean the strikingly handsome, movie star esque ex-model stripper Kev? Yeah.. he's cool"
PeeDz - 14 September '04 - 17:35

reenie, you're probably right, with regards to that we have conservative friends. I think pskis has mentioned that numerous times.

Yes, Dodgy Kev doesn't have that good "ring" about it
Cheers mate, you're all one can ask for in a friend :P
And considering our next skit, I think we're "current"-model stripper!
JookBoy (link) - 15 September '04 - 06:12

Yes, that ex-stripper has turned out to be quite prophetic....
PeeDz - 26 September '04 - 17:47

Singapore Subsidiez

I went to a family dinner on Sunday night, and was told that I should go to Singapore. There is a mandate from the government via the Social Development Unit to have more Singaporeans marry and have kids. Apparently the previous mandate of getting everyone to become a professional and pursuing careers is to the detriment of the family life, and therefore the population of Singapore suffers.

So I was informed by some family friends that if I had three kids, I would be earning a tidy sum of SG$35,000...that's nearly my annual income! :) I was also told of Speed Dating, singles activities and function....anything to get people together. There is now a lunch service that matches you up with other "busy professionals". I especially love the bit in the FAQ section, where it tells you that the "founder of Lunch Actually has been certified by the Matchmaking Institute in New York , an institute started by one of the most established modern-day matchmakers in US." There's an intitute for this stuff??

Of course, this got the entrepreneurial side of me thinking that Jook would be great over there. Jook Singles would promote family oriented fun, where the aim is make every event a reunion of your old friends that you haven't seen in ages! We would promote via viral marketing ie email, and hopefully I'll get some money from LKY for this service :)

What this whole social experimentation has shown is that you cannot forgo everything for one focus. Whilst we all have great career aspirations, it is finding that right person that really is the key to a happy and balanced life. The other thing that strikes me is that all these services keep emphasising the fact that you are so busy you have no time for dating. Don't they realise that if you do find someone you really like, you will make time for them, no matter what?

Damn! seven cheap calls already:

a friend of mine has started up http://www.feverlunches.com
check if out if you're interested in meeting some "busy professionals" over lunch... registration is free and you could win $250!
ding! (link) - 06 September '04 - 06:51

Hah, I liked how the website says that the media are getting the fever, and one of the articles they display is their own ad :)
JookBoy (link) - 06 September '04 - 06:59

y'all might end up romancing each other through those lunching sites, remember, the asian social scene is sydney is reduced to a maximum of 3 degrees of separation.
ue - 06 September '04 - 08:02

I think it's closer to 2 degrees of separation ue.

I used to say that all exes and their exes should be transported to some remote island, kinda like convicts. Have figured out that is not feasible now since there'll be nobody else left to play with!

Does lunch today count as a fever lunch? We're busy professionals!
beckster (link) - 06 September '04 - 10:23

Sick of getting rejected because well, you're ugly? Quit playing those silly relationship games and come to SINGAPORE - the desperate and dateless capital of the WORLD. Not only will you get laid, we'll pay you for it! Visit -----> http://www.singaporehos.com.sg
Dre - 06 September '04 - 12:22

Jookboy, if you can singlehandedly raise the population of Singapore with that entrepreneurial spirit of yours, i'm sure you can expect a big fat "Hong Bao" from the Lee family. Or maybe they'll give you a lifetime free subscription to Optus.

But hey, it's not only Singapore who's passing such a "mandate". If i'm not wrong, some minister of yours went something like "One for the husband, one for the wife and one for the country!"
dsd (link) - 06 September '04 - 19:13

Haha, I'm down for Optus

You make a good point dsd. I was also told that Australia was letting in a lot more Chinese immigrants than before. Unshackled from that one child policy, our kiddie population will explode!
JookBoy (link) - 07 September '04 - 19:16

The Snooze Button

I am a fan of the snooze button. there's a certain comfort in knowing that hitting the snooze button on the alarm will allow you a few more precious minutes of sleep before you have to get up, without the fear that you will totally miss the alarm.

However, I'm beginning to believe that it really is not good for me. Example:

1. Alarm set at 7:45am.
2. Alarm goes off, I hit the snooze button.
3. 6 snooze button presses later (at intervals of 8min), it's 8:33am, and I'm still not out of bed.
4. I'm now regularly late to work (lucky my boss is relatively lenient on time of arrival!)

The snooze button implies delaying the inevitable. There's an unwillingness to face a new day by attempting (somewhat pointlessly) to grab those few more minutes of sleep. And since you really can't fall asleep within an 8min timeframe, you just lie there, waiting for the next alarm to go off.

Obviously I am comfortable in the state I'm in, but is there a more sub-conscious reason about the excessive use of the snooze? Probably not, but I'm going to attempt some meaningful ie random dialogue below. Yes it's Friday, I'm in Melbourne, people did not come to my training session, so I'm searching for more meaning in my life :)

Am I just tired?
Do I not want to face the day ahead?
Is my job that bad that I'm willing to be late all the time?
Is it because of the inherent nature of people in being resistant to change?
Am I STILL recovering from that Gold Coast buck's weekend?

Strangely enough, if you have something really important going on early in the day ie having to go to the airport at 6:00am, you will automatically wake up and get yourself ready without any snoozing action.

So here's the resolution. Have to get up on the first alarm, no excuses. I did it this morning, and I feel better already!

Damn! thirteen cheap calls already:

Can relate. Also am a snooze-aholic. Always remember not to put anything breakable between ur bed and the alarm clock as all the hand-to-button action should happen with ur eyes still closed. I do think sometimes that after multiple repetitions of alarm, snooze, alarm snooze, u prob could have just set the alarm later and gotten a more decent half hour of uninterrupted sleep.
pskis - 02 September '04 - 16:24

haha...an interesting post about something we hardly think about but is such an integral part of our lives! I love the snooze button...thankfully i'm usually up after one snooze cycle, else my boss wouldn't be too happy!
dsd (email) (link) - 03 September '04 - 15:39

Good to know it's not just me who's a snooze-button junkie! The twilight between sleep and consciousness is just so blissful, that plus enjoying something illicit that you're not supposed to be enjoying makes it all the more sweeter.
beckster (link) - 04 September '04 - 16:09

Update:
I put the alarm to once off only today, woke up at 7:45am, and promptly stayed in bed till 8:30am, even without the alarm. :(

"something illicit"? I didn't know the snooze button was a criminal offence :)
JookBoy (link) - 05 September '04 - 05:55

i use my phone as my alarm clock. does it have snooze? hehe....
addy - 05 September '04 - 15:05

as a matter of fact, the mobile phone alarm clock does have a snooze button - but you gotta pick up the phone and hit the snooze button through half dazed squinting eyes and you know how big they make them phones these days.
ue - 05 September '04 - 17:23

i am snooze queen - so much so that i now have to set my clock half an hour fast. then set my alarm for half hour before i need to get up (which is actually an hour before i need to get up cause my clock is fast). alarm goes off and can hit snooze button multiple times - feels like sleeping in for and hour and eventually get up 15 mins before need to really leave the house - get up get dressed and get out the front door! - it's all psychological i tells ya :)
mushiejc (link) - 05 September '04 - 17:45

Geeeeez Bec, what kinda dreams do YOU have?! I want some "illicit" dreams like that! HA!
...
...
note to self: stop verbalising thoughts out loud.. ;p
So (email) - 05 September '04 - 18:50

*deadpan* I used the term 'ilicit' loosely to describe the enjoyment of something you know you're not supposed to ie. chocolate after spin class, wallowing in bed when you KNOW you need to get your fat azz to work.

No comment on what I'm dreaming about when I'm abusing the snooze button!
beckster (link) - 06 September '04 - 06:10

Getting out of bed in the morning certainly does have a subconscious element to it. You are correct in saying that when needed at the airport by 6am you automatically wake up. Why? Perhaps it is purely based on the fact that you are expecting something different in your day. Yet it may be the fact that you have mentally prepared yourself differently.

For example, thinking of the list of all the things you have to do to get yourself on the plane (get out of bed, brush teeth, shower, get dressed, pack your luggage, drive, park etc) can become overwhelming and undesirable. However, if you instead focussed upon WHY you were getting on the plane you will easily motivate yourself.

Similarly, this applies in your Monday to Friday morning routine. If your thoughts are focussed on what must be done(get up, go to work, work all day, spend time with people you don't like, etc), as opposed to WHY you are doing them (build a future, provide for your family, meet new people, buy a house etc) you will have trouble getting out of bed on the first alarm.

Or you could make it even simpler by moving your alarm clock to the other side of the room (or into another room) so you are unable to reach it from where you are sleeping.

We all need a compelling reason to get up in the morning. I am normally up by 5:30 each morning and find that by getting out of bed, putting my sneakers on (right next to my bed) and leaving the house for a walk is a perfect morning routine which gets my day started.

Basically, if you aren't jumping out of bed in the morning excited about a new day, then your passion for life is lacking. Either that or your significant other is awake...
taipan - 09 September '04 - 07:17

Wise words taipan, totally agree. The even stranger thing I noticed was that today (Saturday), I woke up feeling quite fresh at 6:00am, even though I went to bed at 1:30am! Must be something good happening today
JookBoy (link) - 10 September '04 - 08:05

I too am a fan of the snooze button, however it's gotten so bad that now I have to set my initial alarm for 5:45am. This provides a large enough time period for me to hit snooze about 12 times before I eventually roll out of bed by 7:30am, heh.
riss (link) - 12 September '04 - 08:24

A Book To Read

I have just finished reading a book called "Road to Serfdom" by an economist named F.A. Hayek, and I thoroughly recommend it. It was written in the 1940's and analyses the reasons why Germany became the tyranny that it was during the Second World War, and why the whole concept of socialism will always become a dictatorship, due to the choices that the people who are put into the planning role have to make. It was a very interesting book, although I have to admit it's not a light book. The sentences are so long! You have to read the paragraph a few times to understand what he was trying to say. Good bedtime reading material.

I used to believe that the equalities of people in the world could be achieved through some sort of redistribution and planning, but am now a lot more convinced of the smaller government and free market abilities to increase wealth. However, I still have faith that one day we will have a Star Trek universe, where the quest for knowledge, rather than the quest for wealth, is the driving force of mankind :)

I did meet a professor on the way back from Melbourne who noticed I was reading the book, and we started talking about it. The only problem with a smaller government, he added, was the fact that it sometimes is too small to assist in bringing more competition into the marketplace to decrease the power of the monopoly. As he was a professor from MGSM, I assume he knew what he was talking about!

There's another book, "Atlas Shrugged", I think it's called. Anyone read that? I've heard it's quite good.

Damn! seven cheap calls already:

atlas shrugged is also a deep long book. a bit long winded in some areas but poses an interesting macro views. ask jay, he's more well versed with Ayn Rand's work.
alvina - 28 August '04 - 19:24

That professor was right IMHO; weak government will lead to a poor level of social benefits, which leads to civil unrest and possibly even civil war. Civil war = no FDI. No FDI turns Singapore into Nauru. And as we all know, Singapore rocks, while Nauru is just a bunch of them.
ricegrains (link) - 28 August '04 - 19:51

you can have civil war and FDI - granted, its not ideal, but just ask parts of Africa, or central asia for that matter. maybe its not the FDI that counts, its the LKY...

Effective govt doesn't need to be big govt. In my view govt provides the incentives and the safety net (oh remember that term). The safety net recognises the market isnt perfect and that the market fails. But the market also works (right, mike moore?)

Kev, next you should read "the right nation - a history of conservative power in america".
bjee - 30 August '04 - 14:51

I'm reading "Atlas Shrugged" now. It's a bit more challenging than Ayn Rand's other novel, "the Fountainhead" (a novel that's had a profound impact on many I know who've read it) but so far it's been worth the struggle.

Ayn Rand has been called a fascist for her views. Indeed, her views are quite extreme and advocate an extreme form of free market capitalism and nurture a kind of cult of the individual - something anathema to anyone with a sense of altruism - while also mocking institutions and individuals that harbour a purported sense of corporate or social responsibilty.

Interestingly, both these books are favourites among the right wing intelligentsia, including Ross Cameron and John Howard.
-Stephen- (link) - 30 August '04 - 20:28

Apropos Singapore, it's certainly strong and big government that keeps the LKY dynasty entrenched in power. Singapore's lack of democracy is only tolerated by modern-day culturally apolitical Singaporeans because its sound fiscal management thus legitimises the regime. Singapore has instituted a strong system of forced savings (that's why they own half of Sydney's icon properties through GIC) while having virtually no unemployment insurance and with very modest social assistance schemes.

Essentially, although government is run like a streamlined modern-day corporation, without a system of democratic accountability and transparency to its constitutents, it will remain to be seen whether a climate of widening income inequality (esp between Chinese and Malays) is sustainable.

In my opinion, it's nepotism at its finest.
-Stephen- (link) - 30 August '04 - 20:46

Ayn Rand's theories aren't bad in theory, but dont work in reality. Atlas Shrugged is a great book tho
al - 31 August '04 - 23:57

Yep, bjee and Stephen, will add them to the collection.

Good to know that I do have some intellectual readers on this blog :)
JookBoy (link) - 02 September '04 - 06:10

[8008boyz] On Tour

A true boyz holiday up in the Gold Coast for Geri and Dessy's bucks weekend.
I have not partied this hard for a long time....I'm guessing about 10 hours sleep in 3 nights.

Gokarting was great, golfing was great, and my wrist is still stuffed.

Of course, what goes on tour stays on tour :)

But I'll put these two quality photos up! The clock's ticking for you, Che-Z!

A big shout out to Bill for his ChopDesigns shirts. You rock mate!

Damn! six cheap calls already:

sweeet!
ding! (link) - 24 August '04 - 07:35

You're wrist was stuffed ey Kev? What sort of fun were you having up there? (hopefully the kind you have when you're on your own...)
Dre - 25 August '04 - 10:26

I think it was too much leaning up on the bar at Shooters wasn't it? Like a steel hunting trap from what I remember~
ricegrains (link) - 25 August '04 - 11:18

I swears it was a sporting injury.

And Boges, a gentleman never tells. I'm going for a mystery look :)
JookBoy (link) - 25 August '04 - 18:59

It's damn hard work to look good with a condom on your head! (even with a sweeeet 8008boyz t-shirt on) :)
Dessy - 06 September '04 - 12:06

Forgive me, but I have been away far too long. I saw the photos and thought "what the hell are these guys up to??". LEast now I know Des did not choose to wear that thing on his head...
TT (email) - 07 October '04 - 00:36

Thredbo Fun

For the "best week of powder for the last decade", as described on Snow FM.

Injury list
- Back problems
- Sprained wrists
- Pulled shoulder
- Sore ass
- Bruised knees
- Twisted ankles
- Strained neck
- Numerous head injuries

Best stacks
- Kev polishing the N-Gage rail with his stomach
- Too many toe-side turns to head first landings on the snow
- Stu and I turning right into each other in the middle of a slope when there was only three of us on the damn slope.

New nicknames
- Leafing Loi, Leafing Levine, Leafing Lai
- Pubeboy
- Huge Kev (that's me :P)
- Massive Kev (that's Kev)
- Warren "Fibs" Macdonald
- Wench!
- Kung Fu Billy

Theme song
- "Yeah" by "Usher, Usher"

Damn! five cheap calls already:

Were any of those injuries actually sustained whilst skiing/snowboarding? Or were they a result of the love-nasium acrobatics? ;) What happens at the snow, stays at the snow :)
Taipan - 06 August '04 - 09:50

Damn I polished that N-gage rail good too.

Damn fine week it was. The most hurtful part is having to go back to work tmrw :(
Peedz - 07 August '04 - 19:56

Hey Kev I thought that you were demoted from "Huge" to "Tiny" status during our game of Kings :) (well, I had to make my first call a cheap one, right?!)

go Usher! ;p
so - 08 August '04 - 09:50

And then Kung Fu Billy promoted me back to Huge Kev back in the bedroom :P

And yes, most memorable moment, the last card in Kings being a King. Thanks for the reminder Kev.
JookBoy (link) - 08 August '04 - 18:56

more funnies... keep it coming mate. expecting a full account from the GC. sorry couldnt make it down. once the snows over you all have to come to bali for some quality beaching... and the good news is, the booze is DF!!
bjee - 21 August '04 - 17:52

The Dreaded Case Interview

Man, I've still got the heebie jeebies, as I've just finished one. I'm sure a few of you have done a case interview before. As a person who hasn't done an interview in about 3 years, this was one rude awakening! For anyone else who is ever planning to do one of these things, do the following:

1. Do not go anywhere near guessing the numbers until you have laid out your whole argument, from the very first number you need to get, to the actual answer. Every single step. Be as thorough in this part as possible.
2. Make your guesses realistic. As an aside, remember that lots of people ride bikes in China :)
3. Know your maths. At least I did ok here....it was about the only part!
4. In the end, when they ask how you would check your numbers, it's really just checking your methodology, and the numbers you have assumed.
5. Breathe deeply...and then again.

I think my chances of getting to the first round are severely reduced. So much for management consulting

On the flip side, I thought that my technical interview at Lend Lease was one of the worse interviews I have done...look where I am now :)

Damn! five cheap calls already:

I've felt your pain bro...

You can never fully prepare for an interview in my opinion. There will almost always be ONE question that floors you...it's how you respond that's the key.

And hey, at least you didn't have to sell instant powdered ice-cream back to two sales people in your interview. :)
ricegrains (link) - 28 July '04 - 17:15

"if you were in mcdonalds and had to line up, and all of the lines were the same length, how would you choose which one to line-up in?"
hint: the answer is not "the one closest to me" ;)
al - 29 July '04 - 00:38

MAcdonalds hey?

I'd take the line with the skinnier kids in it haha. Unless they eat like KC.
PeeDz - 08 August '04 - 09:34

I've only been in my new job for about a month and a bit and already I had to give other people interviews. One question I actually asked someone in an interview: 'It says here that one of your interests is dancing, so with that in mind, I was wondering wether you could do the robot dance?'

The answer was no, and suffice to say he didn't get the job. If you can't robot dance you really shouldn't be a graphic designer.
Dre - 17 August '04 - 06:00

Actions Or Words?

What do you believe in? What someone says or what they do?

I was listening to the radio this morning, and they had people people ringing in with regards to who had the most boring relationship. A girl rang up to say that she and her boyfriend had been going out for 17 months, and he had never gone outside of his place with him (obviously they must have been doing things at home which was entertaining enough! But I digress...)

The point is that there are people who are complaining how bad it is, and yet they are still plugging away at the relationship. Yes, I can understand the odd complaint here and there about how their partner doesn't do exactly what they want, but for 17 months??

Anyways, a friend directed me to a quality site for guys. The real interesting part (of course) is the dating section. The whole basis of the advice is to retain an air of "mystery" about you, to keep the girl's interest levels high by being a "Challenge" and all sorts of fun stuff. The main point though is this. That when girls give those excuses that we have all heard, that's what they are, excuses. Never rationalise a girl's behaviour. And the other point is that girls will not let a small setback throw them off if they are actually interested in you.

So then if actions mean a lot more than words, where does that leave the grinding part? Is that just a random event? I've come to the conclusion that grinding opens the door, but doesn't let you in. It's short term fun, with no long term promise. Curse that social lubricant they call alcohol! :)

And thanks to everyone that turned up to the party on Saturday night. I had an awesome time!

Damn! 19 cheap calls already:

So...what you're trying to say is that you got your grind awwn, but are just leaving it at that?

Why not follow up the action with a word?
ricegrains (link) - 24 July '04 - 19:45

... or more action?
xtn (link) - 25 July '04 - 06:19

why do you want to curse the social lubricant called alcohol? Do girls grind against you at any time other than when alcohol is involved? If so, then damn you got game :)

Perhaps grinding isn't the 'gateway' to that which you seek?
taipan - 25 July '04 - 07:59

I dont quite understand why people stay in relationships that they are not happy with and yet complain...change the direction in which it is heading (or lack there of).

About the air of Mystery, to remain a Challenge...thats the same advice women are given about men. BUT, the point about girls and setbacks:

"...girls will not let a small setback throw them off if they are actually interested in you."

I dont think that is entirely true...because even if she is honestly interested and there is an obstacle (more like a couple small setbacks)...most likely...she will move right along and give up. We do get thrown off the track, as much as boys do.
petals - 25 July '04 - 10:09

I'm not saying that there's no follow-up...I'm just saying that you shouldn't over-commit. It's all about self control.

It depends on the level of alcohol when the said grinding occurs, and that's hard to judge :)
Yes, maybe it isn't the gateway, which is why it's just short term fun.

Then, petals, the thought follows that she wasn't genuinely interested. Persistence wins in the end, I am sure. It's a matter of testing their resolve :)

Actually, I've reread this entry. It doesn't make that much sense!
JookBoy (link) - 25 July '04 - 13:49

to keep the girl's interest levels high by being a "Challenge" and all sorts of fun stuff

If you are too challenging I think a girl would just give up, she's going to wonder why she's wasting her time on someone who isn't entirely responsive when she could be seeing someone else. There's only so many games a person can take :)
riss (email) (link) - 25 July '04 - 14:11

i agree with riss. its the same with you boys. if the gal plays too hard to get too much, u get bored and give up. its a bit of both. and for that comment about complaining about relationships, i think most ppl complain a litttle about things in relationships. However you sometimes/rarely hear about all the good stuff of that relationship. Very few relationships dont have little issues, if they didnt, it mite get boring if anything. Big issues, thats a whole different blog for you.
addy - 25 July '04 - 15:06

oh yeh, grinding....
i think grinding means more to guys than gals. it opens a little door....cos if she wasnt interested in you AT ALL, she would run....
addy - 25 July '04 - 15:09

If she wasnt interested in your AT ALL, she hasn't had enough drinks :D

And whats so strange about staying in a bad rship. Remember, not all people have had the cosy upbringings most of us have had. For some ppl, its their only avenue for at least some sort of intimacy and companionship, its so easy to blind yourself to the negatives.

For some, bad is better than alone.
Peedz - 25 July '04 - 15:48

you're right, the entry didn't make much sense (hehe)

actions will always speak louder than words

and thanks for an awesome night on saturday. haven't had one of those in years!
al (email) - 26 July '04 - 12:15

i dont disagree about persistance, i wrote a blog about persistance paying off! altho, the amount of time you would spend being persistant each different person will vary, right? if it was a shorter span of time, it doesnt mean u werent genuinely interested...it just means u woke up earlier and realised that maybe that person isnt right for you if they arent showing an interest back and/or they keep playing games with you? which riss' point comes in...there are only so many games a person can take, girl or boy.
petals - 27 July '04 - 09:46

"altho, the amount of time you would spend being persistant each different person will vary, right?"

Yes, exactly. So the point is to separate the wheat from the chaff, as it were.

And what they are saying is that what chicks define as "right" is most likely someone whom they see as a challenge.

If you know they're playing games you quit, but obviously being a challenge is a little bit different.
JookBoy (email) (link) - 28 July '04 - 14:37

the type of girl that we want to be attracted to us is probably in high demand from plenty of others. make it too much of a challenge for them, and they'll just go movin' onto the next hot stud!
al - 29 July '04 - 00:34

Al, are those the chicks that will just thumb you through and through? :)
JookBoy (link) - 06 August '04 - 07:05

I think the best way to remain a 'challenge' to girls is just to have heaps of girlfriends. That way you are a challenge naturally. You don't have to pretend to be busy on Fri and Sat nights, and so organise a breakfast date for Wednesday morning coz that's the only time you can fit it in.

Being desirable to women is a lifestyle, not a couple of things you can memorise from a men's help webpage.

RC
randomcow - 08 August '04 - 11:00

Can I clarfy that as actual girlfriends, or just friends that are chicks? Cause I'm sure my buds would call me a "ho" (some already do!)
JookBoy (link) - 08 August '04 - 18:52

You know, we can refer to them as whatever we want. Guys don't really care about labels - the chicks can keep track of where the relationship is at any point in time. Chicks care about this kind of stuff.

But to help define it, "Females you are already shagging, or are working on." How's that?

And yes, you're a ho.

RC
randomcow - 09 August '04 - 04:26

Thanks :)

I think I would hit a moral issue with shagging becoming a plural. Maybe that's why I don't have that challenge about me.
JookBoy (link) - 10 August '04 - 06:51

maybe.

:)
randomcow - 10 August '04 - 07:05

Why MBA? Which MBA?

Lately I've been considering the next step in my education, namely a masters somewhere around the world. With the wonders of technology around us, there are tons of blogs that discuss the "MBA experience". However, before reading these blogs, this one poses some questions that should be thought of, in terms of "Why MBA?" in the first place. I think that my answer is a combination of career change and learning about business.

Career change: given the very flat heirarchy of Lend Lease IT, the chances of promotion I feel are quite low. Especially since all the managers are roughly in their early fourties, they will be around for quite a bit of time. Hence a move away from this area (whilst very sad) seems somewhat inevitable if I am to progress in the career. And to move away requires some knowledge.
One of the managers put it this way. If I was offered a more senior role, running an area in a totally different business unit, would I be able to take it on? MBAs change your mindset, I think, and allow you to take that leap of faith (in yourself, in a sense) to go into a bigger role without feeling that you've been totally thrown into the deep end. Consultants seem to have this skill, and it's something I would like acquire.

Learning about business: after our foray into the internet gaming arena, which didn't go that well at all, there is still a desire to get into another business. However, that desire has waned over the last year or so, and one of the reasons has been the realisation that I have a real lack of knowledge in business. One of the focusses of business schools is their knowledge in entrepreneurship, and that would be a solid foundation to start from to build a more successful business.

As to the question of "Which MBA?", I am more inlcined to go to a European business school, as I feel their outlook is more international, compared to the US business schools, which are a lot more internally focussed. Places such as INSEAD, IE, London Business School, IMD (although that is catered more for people older than myself) woudl be great schools to attend. Yes, the cost is quite prohibitive, but you hope that the payback is worth it.

The same manager (as above) warned me though:

Manager: "Kev, it might not be a good idea to study in Europe, too many distractions"
Kev: "Oh, you mean like all the travelling and things like that?"
Manager: "No no, there are too many pretty European girls, you won't be able to study!"

Damn! three cheap calls already:

i vote london business school - keep us company!!! :)
mushiejc (link) - 18 July '04 - 14:25

Have been playing with this idea too lately, tho i swore that i'd never go back to school. Film snob is interesting tho, good to find out what it's like "from the inside."
pskis - 18 July '04 - 15:30

Another good site to check out is http://www.worldmbawire.blogspot.com/

Haha, Jen, you can come visit me! The more outposts we have the better :)
JookBoy (email) (link) - 19 July '04 - 10:22

The Lottery - Saturday 24 July

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