How Many People Tickle Your Fancy?

Was having a conversation with a friend (why do we always talk about this stuff Shuai? :)) and the discussion was based around this question:

Out of the people that you meet via your friends or by yourself ie a social setting, how many of them would you like to get to know better?

Now Shuai and I varied in our responses significantly. Assuming that I take a interest in (roughly) one person a month, I think I would meet say 100 people (two new people every Friday night hehe), that equates to 12%. According to comparisons with Shuai and others, that's majorly high.

I consider myself a friendly guy, and, judging from my latest personality test, I tend to look on the positive side for most people. Much like that email spiral action (which, by the way, has come crashing down like a house of cards) if someone is friendly to me, I'll be friendly back to them. I suppose this means that I easily get interested. As a friend on mine puts it ever so eloquently, I'm "ho'ing it up" :)

On the flip side, I'm never complaining that I don't meet enough people, that there's "noone worth pursuing", that it's a nunnery. You can only control yourself, right? So for all those lonely souls out there (which includes myself), I'm writing this down. Look for the positives in people, laugh at other people's jokes, make others smile. Cause if everyone does that, pretty soon someone will do it back to you, and maybe, just maybe, the percentages won't be single digits anymore :P

Damn! 21 cheap calls already:

How about the percentage of those 12 people that you are interested in that you end up dating (at least semi-seriously)?
al - 26 April '04 - 20:58

I think you left out the "laugh at urself too" factor. I think people need to be more lightened up, opened to meeting new people and friends should try to help introduce their friends to others...cos some ppl are just shy!

I bring my girl friends to some parties that i get invited to, and i introduce them to others...but they are just too shy...i even show them how easy it is to just start talking to people...it isnt working! my endeavours are becoming fruitless!
petals - 27 April '04 - 06:20

Do you want to get to know me... intimately?
Janey - 27 April '04 - 06:42

i agree with li-shuai - you can be friendly and get along with ppl you meet and it's all good but how many do you really "click" with, where getting to know them better is something that comes naturally...
mushiejc - 27 April '04 - 17:14

Sorry, this is a long comment...

There are some people that when you meet, you just click with, and it has happened to me before...and you just talk and talk and talk to the person...this is with both male and females.

But there are some people that you need to get to know over a period of time...and see them more frequently for that "click" to occur. I've met a few people over the past month, and i have spoken to them also, not enough to make us friends or for us to click, but i think given time, we could become really good friends...

I think the problem with the lonely souls today, is that people are choosing between "clicking" or "forgetting". By this i mean, some people will meet someone, and its either they hit it off, or they wont even bother making friends with someone just because they didnt "click", which in my opinion is silly...

I think the way to decrease the lonely soul feeling is to increase the number of friends, to meet more people and let the potential in clicking to grow. Like i said earlier, sometimes you need time to become a friend with someone to realise you do click and want to be more with that person.
petals - 28 April '04 - 05:32

does anyone else reckon that the number of people that you bother to remember has decreased enourmously since university days? ever since leaving uni, if i dont click straight away, i couldnt care less about remembering people.
ron - 29 April '04 - 01:25

hmm, al, currently, looking at 1.

Sometimes, petals, do you think that you have enough good friends, and hence can't be bothered to make new ones if they don't make the cut? Cause I'm sure I can list friends that I have neglected that I should make an effort to keep in touch with.

And yes Janey, I would :P ... this is so random haha
JookBoy (link) - 29 April '04 - 12:38

Hahahaha Jookboy - u're so cheap! Maybe you find that 12% cause all it takes if someone to go - "u want me?" and you're in for it! (as proven with that random call with Janey - though that's prob not the only example :) Always in, go it son!

Maybe the rest of us are too stiff ... I mean rigid ... I mean errr ... non friendly enough to accept or offer these random "I would like to get to know u better" call ...
Cheap Calls - 01 May '04 - 16:35

haha, dodgy bastard :)

So if someone says "I would like to get to know you better", you would be immediately suspicious? Why?
Do you think that you may not be good enough to get to know them?
Why not accept that friendly gesture?
What is the issue?
JookBoy (link) - 02 May '04 - 04:57

I do have many really good friends, and i make friends these days out of convenience. By that i mean, if i bump into the same people frequently, but not intending to, i take the chance to get to know them on those occasions.

Much like urself, Bill or Li-Shuai...i think you guys would be cool friends(Bill is currently on the borderline, cos he cant be swayed by a girl with tears in her eyes! Very cold Bill...very cold! *LoL*)...

But point is, i'm not going out of my way to get to know you guys all that much...its more like ive bumped into you guys through other friends when we are out and about and its silly not to speak to you guys cos you're there and are friends with my friends!
petals - 02 May '04 - 07:28

hrmm... but I don't think you're ready for this jelly. I don't feel the 'click' at all.
Janey - 02 May '04 - 14:06

haha, impressive that you realised we have no "click" after two sentences :)
JookBoy (link) - 04 May '04 - 05:23

Janey, if you bring the jelly, I'll bring the wading pool, the cream and the gerbil.

Baby, I'm feeling the click already!
Horn_dog - 04 May '04 - 10:42

To answer your comment, petals, friendships will occur either by effort or time...I concur that you will become friends if you see the other person frequently enough.
What I meant in my previous comments was if you did not have that time factor, would you make the effort to establish a friendship?
JookBoy (link) - 04 May '04 - 10:48

No, I wouldnt...thats what i meant by now, these days, I make friends out of convenience. If the time factor wasnt part of the equation I, personally, wouldnt make the effort...not today anyways! ;)
petals - 04 May '04 - 04:56

Ooooh yeah! Sorry JookBoy, but it seems like I've found someone else that can click with me. :P By the way Horn_dog, I like gerbils, but do you like strap-ons? Because I find a good marital aid is fundamental for a relationship to work.
Janey - 04 May '04 - 10:26

http://www.whooshka.net has now officially become a dating service!
JookBoy (link) - 04 May '04 - 17:40

jookboy - u might have to put one of those - "Only ppl over 18 yrs are allowed into this website" disclaimers! xxx'ing it up :)

for me, it's rare to meet someone who i would seek to spend more time with getting to know them ... i would more likely get to know them if I saw them regularly. It is most definitely different for a single guy ... I think u should be out and about getting to know many girls (law of averages)

i spose the main difference is wether u go after it (make a move) or you want things to just happen for you ...
Dessy - 05 May '04 - 06:32

A couple of my friends who have seen you around Kev would like to get to know you better. Hee!
riss (email) (link) - 10 May '04 - 17:37

hehe...w00t :)
JookBoy (link) - 10 May '04 - 18:29

Making further effort to get to know someone is probably a bit too unnatural off the bat. I mean, we all have our sorta "core" group of friends, that probably fulfull 90% of your friendship needs. Finding out whether you "click" with someone I dont think is the right term.

Developing a friendship is not just down to instant "clickage". There are other factors, which are as equally as important. Timing is a big one, hobbies, more chance meetings. Getting to know someone I dont think can't be forced, and you'll know someone better naturally if you see them maybe 10 times out.. just somewhere, and then if you pass this stage then perhaps it can develop into something more permanent.

Take us at uni for eg. It wasn't that all the BIT's in particular clicked instantly. It was the sharing of common experiences, and time day in day out that made it what it was.

btw, if there are any fine ladies around that are lonely, pass em up :P

My 0.02c :)
Peedz - 19 May '04 - 18:00

Nostalgia

It's been a year since I moved out of home and into the St Leonards pad. Just this Easter, I had to swing by the family house at West Pennant Hills to pick up some stuff. No-one was home during this time (parents had gone away), and I went into my room to grab my bag. And then it hit me, just scanning the room...that it's been a long long time since I've slept in that bed.

My parents had cleaned up the room, but all my stuff was still there...all the postcards that I've stuck up on my door from my travels, the framed pictures that friends and family have given me, the rows and rows of science fiction books that I had collected...so many memories.

I often wonder how people would be able to constantly move from one place of abode to another. Would they feel less grounded? Does life become more transient? I hope that I will be able to create that same feeling of nostalgia in my St Leonards home. For now, it was just good to know that what was once a place (in those rebellious teen years) that was just a bed, has now become a place of smiles.

Damn! twelve cheap calls already:

I have been living out of 'home' for 4 years... and thus i understand ur feeling... and yeah... when u go 'home' it really feels like..... 'home' and u wonder if ur new 'home' will ever feel like its true and u think of all the memories u had and have and will have and now im just rambling...... i miss 'home'
Addy - 18 April '04 - 18:32

I often wonder about that. I've never lived anywhere else coz my parents moved in before I was born.. and we've been living here since.

I wonder if ppl who move around a lot - do they feel unsettled? Or do they try make each place feel like home? Because being completely relaxed at home is not quite the same as relaxing somewhere else..

Maybe if you put some butter on your paws and then sit down and groom yourself and clean off, then you'll feel completely at home. :P
milli - 19 April '04 - 09:13

Do you think it is something that can be measured? like you stay in a place for say 2 years then it will feel like home. Or is it a matter of your frame of mind - making a conscious effort to create a "home" for yourself like putting up pictures and buying crockery. And does it make a difference if you are renting as opposed to owning (or parent's owning)?
siksp - 19 April '04 - 17:04

It's definitely a frame of mind thing. I think you can get settled very quickly...the ownership factor is probably a big influence.
JookBoy (link) - 19 April '04 - 18:10

I think it takes some time...which is dependant on the individual...and i think when you own your own place that time shortens, and the more "homely" u make it, the time shortens further more.

During the period of adjusting, i think people oscillate between "it feels like home" to "where am i?" and this happens when you get comfy and furniture and utensils get used (homely feel). Or (for example), when something that you expect to be located in a certain place, but its not there and it throws you...that sorta thing makes u feel miserable and miss the "home" u knew from before...so ur oscillating from good to bad...but finally there will come a day and u will feel at home and that u belong where u are.
petals - 20 April '04 - 09:36

You know, you guys should try growing up in Blacktown and living off public transport for your teen life *GRiN* It sure doesn't feel like home to me. And I think there's no way in hell I could ever live with my parents again. Then again, Waverton doesn't quite feel like home either. It's definitely comfy, but I think the label "home" implies "settling" and "contentment". Not ready for that mortgage yet :P
reenie (email) - 21 April '04 - 07:29

Oscillating is a great word i don't use enough of.
I'm oscillating between saigon and sydney.
pissk - 21 April '04 - 13:01

I like it too...which is probably why i use it!
*^_^*
petals (link) - 22 April '04 - 05:47

I think home is where your heart is. (cheese if you please!)
goodlittlegirl (email) (link) - 22 April '04 - 14:32

I'm oscillating mentally between Singapore and Shanghai

You know, my Mum has one of them signs in the kitchen!
JookBoy (link) - 26 April '04 - 19:17

Must be sumthin about cities starting with S.
kissp - 27 April '04 - 13:01

The Email Spiral

A friend warned me of a phenomenon in email that I feel myself being drawn towards.

It's called the "email spiral" (or something like that), and work basically like this:
Someone that you know keeps in contact with you via email, and only email (or more generally, the Internet).

What happens is that, naturally, people will put their best foot forward, and present themselves in the best possible light. Now there is nothing wrong with presenting yourself in a positive image. However, the difference between real-time interaction and this kind of contact is that both parties have the ability to edit what they say, and how that say it (much like that "Seven Days" video by Craig David), whereas in a face-to-face situation, they don't have that luxury.

What follows is that the emails get longer, the correspondence more meaningful, and you find yourself falling for your perception of someone as they would want to see themselves, rather than who they really are. Coupled with the fact that you are interpreting their emails the way you want to (who here can tell when someone is being sarcastic in other people's emails unless there is that "" tag, or random ":P" and ":)"??) leads to a dangerous gap between the reality of that person and your perception of them.

Inevitably, the meeting will occur, and this is where sadly hopes are dashed, and that Prince Charming or Independent, Funny, Cutey guy/girl fantasy is blown away.

I'm not saying that there is a solution to this problem, and I for one am deeply engaged in this activity as I write this post. However, it's good to be aware, and once in a while, give them a call, and see if that "internet spark" exists in real-time :)

Damn! fourteen cheap calls already:

sometimes its just best to let the fantasy be...
ding! - 02 April '04 - 18:43

I agree. Don't let it go too far before phonecall and/or meeting.
xtn (link) - 04 April '04 - 08:03

gone through the email thing...and its fun for the sake of fun, but i prefer meeting a person face to face...and i dislike generating expectations for myself, where it turns out to be inextricably too high for the person to reach...which is my own fault!
petals - 04 April '04 - 11:17

So what do you do if the person is overseas? More international phone calls?
And petals, are you referring to you hyping yourself up too much, or them hyping themselves up too much, to be reachable?
JookBoy (link) - 04 April '04 - 19:48

I hype the situation too much...i set expectations that the other person will never meet. So, its my fault not theirs that they turn out to be just themselves.

I, personally, wouldnt even pursue a person that was across the water...altho ino of girls who married guys they met while on holiday in another country. The girls stayed in that country instead...so they didnt have to make too many international calls. hehehe...and now they are married and have beautiful half-cast babies... ^_^
petals - 05 April '04 - 08:57

shoot...that still didnt answer ur question! ahahahhaa...what i mean is...i set these expectations of the guys...for example...from emails...i interpret what they write to be what i want it to be...i envision him to be something close to my "ideal" guy...which the likelihood of him turning out to be Mr Right is very slim...

id be picturing a very articulate passionate guy...and yet he could just be a well thought out person who sat at the computer for hours trying to decide on what to write to me!

hopefully that clears things up...
=)
petals - 05 April '04 - 09:14

is it worth going to such lengths for an international relationship?
ding! - 05 April '04 - 13:12

How well did u know the person before all the emails?
And who warned u about this phenomenon?
pskis - 05 April '04 - 16:32

haha, always for that Eurasian look :) That staying overseas seems like a mighty step to take...
Yes, everyone can be that "passionate articulate guy" on email...it's strange (from my experience, anyway) that people can become so attractive so fast!

Pskis, the assumption is that you don't know the person that well prior to email contact...otherwise, in most cases, you would have already have quality time face-to-face. And a friend warned me :P
JookBoy (link) - 05 April '04 - 18:26

And ding! The romantic answer is "of course!"
JookBoy (link) - 05 April '04 - 18:27

Oh bother,
The story of my life!! HAhahah I'm a sucker for words, over numbers, unencumbered numbered worrrrds...

I should really listen to the caring words of xtn and "GET OFF THE INTERNET, MEY!" ^_^
Mey - 06 April '04 - 11:05

*LoL* yeah mey, 'u and i both' should listen to him - and get off the net! *^_^*
petals - 07 April '04 - 04:18

I think it also depends on how perceptive you are, whether or not you can tell if what they're saying is just a load of faff or if they're really being sincere. I think after a couple of emails or chats online you can deduce certain things about them by the way they write, not necessarily by what they say but by the way they say it (does that make sense?)
riss (link) - 07 April '04 - 06:18

And that is the main issue with emails, right riss? That by only reading words, you are unable to get the inflection that comes with thsoe statements, and hence the ability to tell whether that person is sincere or not is made even harder. Coupled with the fact that they can edit what they write, and anything can happen...

And no, stay on the internet! Otherwise no one will comment :)
JookBoy (link) - 07 April '04 - 06:38

Asia Boy-Band Tour

For want of a better title...the trip consisted of Singapore for the first weekend, Jakarta/Bali for the week, and then Singapore back for the second weekend. Thanks to BJ and Teddy for their wonderful hosting abilities. Top ten:

1. Seeing Jo topless every time I checked into his room, and that was waaay too many times. :)
2. Buying bottles of vodka just to get a table at one of the bars in Singapore (of which I thoroughly recommend..."Bar None")
3. Musro...a karaoke place that turned out to be full of "hostesses". It was just like that scene in "Rush Hour 2", for those who have seen the movie...and no, I didn't go around saying "I"ll take you, you and definitely you!"
4. Surfing at Uluatu, a famous surfing joint in Bali. Getting out to the waves involves paddling out through a grotto areea, with pounding waves along the sides. Scary stuff!
5. The cheapness of the watermelon juice.
6. The driving skills of my Indonesian friend. It was just like the video games!
7. The power of the Aussie Battler...it ownz that Singas Dollah and Indo Rupiah
8. Me paying more money to sterilise the gifts that I bought back from Bali than the actual gifts themselves. Do not bring back banana leaf or bark back to Oz. Bad move.
9. The boyz...the calls were so cheap, yet so funny. A trip to remember. And of course...
10. The girls. There's a plethora of women there! I'm going to have to move to Singapore :P

And here are some of the pictures taken from the trip.

Don't Worry Be Happy

Having an extended lunch with a friend today, and with him going through some tough emotional times, the discussion moved to how he felt he had lost his happiness.

With regards to happiness, he had a theory. In his mind, happiness is not a constant, but the up peaks in a series of up and down emotional experiences. Like you may be happy when a certain event occurs, but you will move back to your "normal" state of mind after a certain period of time, be that 5 seconds, 5 minutes, or 5 days. To which I replied, you have have to increase your "normal" state of mind, so that you feel happier all the time. He thinks, however, that if this is the case, your will normalise that feeling, and it will take more and more extraordinary events to bring you to a state of happiness.

Can feeling happiness be like feeling rich? You will always want more of it, and in the end, there is not enough happiness in the world to satisfy you? I have to say that I found the whole theory quite cynical.
He was the first to admit that he was surprised at how cynical he and his friends had become. Everyone was dissatisfied with their present situation, and everyone felt that deserve more than what they were getting.

Most likely it's true, and we all deserve more. I just hope that those guys realise the luckiness of the situation that they are in. My only gripe is the fact that people do not leverage the positions they are in. The biggest shame is to waste all the talents and opportunities that you have been given in this life to make it a better place, both for yourself and for those around you.

Maybe that is what happiness is all about...that you know you are pushing yourself to be everything that you can be.

General Update

Two things happened this weekend. I completed my diving course (woohoo! Certified for 18m anywhwere in the world) and Alwin had is Coogee Beach BBQ. Good to see you again, mate! Of course, the real fun began when the alcohol magically appeared at Helen's place that night. As you can see, things go progressively worse. Note to self: drink a lot more water before going to bed. Thanks Anton for lending me a couch :-)

But first a decent group photo...

Waterworld

You know they shot a lot of the movie under the water, instead of using a blue screen background? That's why the budget blew out by so much. Sadly didn't seem to help the sales of the film.

Anyways, just completed the first two days of my PADI certification. Did the theory beforehand, so it's been mostly time in the pool, and (today) in the open water. I've been down to about 6m, and the next week is the planned 18m dive. I have discovered that I have absolutely no endurance swimming (nearly died doing the 200m qualification swim), that I'm a heavy breather (too much excitement under the water) and that there is this massive blue groper fish called George that hnags around the rocks at Shelly Beach (fish scales feel weird!)

Apparently foolish behaviour occurs when you get nitrogen narcosis (too much nitrogen in the blood due to water pressure at certain depths), although I pointed out that foolish behaviour can occur at the surface. Yes, even the instructor laughed. :)

It's good to get the certification, since quite a few other friends have it as well. The diving in South-East Asia is all that, or so I"ve heard. Anyone up for an Asia trip? hehe

Def Poetry Jam

The other day, I went to see this poetry recital / rap session production that's being held at the Metro along George St. I thoroughly recommend it for anyone. Some of it is sad, some parts make you stop and think, and other are downright hilarious.

From poetry about Kirspy Kreme, to loving yourself, to childhood memories, to Sept 11, to short-skirt wearing hoes, all the recitals had a passion in them that would raise the hairs on the back of your neck. Plus there was some quality R'n'B interludes!

Highlight of the night was definitely the Asian dude (there's only one in the group). His poems were all quality. Something along the lines of..."you think Asians only kiss Asians? Hell no, we're fucking the whole ethnic spectrum!" YEAH!! :-)

Brianna

My niece is super-cute!

Pics from her new "lounge" pool that we got for her for Christmas, and at the house at Woy Woy for Christmas lunch.

My Cousin's Advice

Excerpts from a following conversation during dinner:

Cousin: So have you given her the signals?
Kev: Yeah, I have, you know, calling her, inviting her out to places.
Cousin: Mate, that's really nothing! You need to be consistent and concerted in your approach. You have to do things for her that are above and beyond what a normal friend would do.
Kev: But the signs aren't there.
Cousin: She's a friend! Why would she give signs to you if (as I see it) you're not giving that clear a sign to her?
Kev: hmmm......

And so on it went. So with this random egging on from my relatives, it's time to step up the fun and festivities.

Kev: So you wanna come round for dinner? I'll cook for you.
Girl: Sounds good!

Now I just have to find that Jamie Oliver cookbook :)

Damn! fifteen cheap calls already:

May I suggest a quality desert wine to help lighten the mood after dinner as well as providing a smooth transition to whatever post-dinner activities that you may have...

Plan, plan, plan.

Oh, and have fun. :)
bOGi - 29 November '03 - 12:18

I was thinking of some daiquiris...it's got taht summer thing to it.
JookBoy - 29 November '03 - 15:45

I suggest you try position 44. It worked for you last time. :)
Dre - 29 November '03 - 17:38

I'm a fan of strong opening gambits. But you might want to defer your endgame and sacrifice your bishop or it just might be a stalemate.
-Stephen- - 30 November '03 - 09:10

So it be awwwwn!!! (hopefully!)

I agree with your cousin. You've got to make sure that she knows how you feel. And some girls still like the guy to make the first move.

I'd suggest to fully know beforehand what you want to tell her. And don't plan plan plan plan plan plan (sorry bogi, gotta disagree with you a little there). just plan the basics (what you want to say, what you need to cook, what you need to drink - kev, u stick with water ok!) and leave the rest to fate. that way you won't have to stress about follow a plan for the whole night. you can just relax and be yourself.

and yes have fun!!! damn it, ok plan to have fun!!!
Anton - 30 November '03 - 20:59

You know what dude, just cook something nice. Other than that, just be yourself, don't hold back (in being yourself. You should probably try to hold back your sexual urges until after your main, but not necessarily before your dessert.) Things will flow their natural course from there. I mean it's not like you two are strangers right? You will somehow find a common field to play (ie flirt) on.

And if you get nervous (which I doubt) just keep saying to yourself 'WHO GOT GAME?!!! I got GAME!!' and you'll be right.
Dre - 01 December '03 - 14:44

I'm getting tips all round!
Thanks for the advice, all, let's hope it all goes well :)
I probly agree with you, Anton, as long as the food is all worked out, everything else will take its own haphazard course.

I've got a recipe for Impossible Pie from my aunty hehe
JookBoy - 01 December '03 - 15:29

wow ... I'm feelin all nervous just reading this page ... and I aint even going to be there!!! :)

What are you doing to yourself Kev!!! :p

btw ... don't forget to plan what you're going to do with Waz for the night :) hehehe
scraps (email) - 02 December '03 - 06:19

It's all about thriving under pressure...but I'm beginning to doubt that :P

Don't worry, Waz will take care of himself!
JookBoy (email) - 02 December '03 - 15:48

Will he be working the video camera?
Dre - 02 December '03 - 19:26

Oh, that's so cheap.....quality :)
JookBoy - 02 December '03 - 20:06

Damn, Wazz is workin the vid cam? Shit. Now I have nothing to do!

Go with the flow bro. If in doubt, there is always Le Ranch 'O Love
PeeDz - 02 December '03 - 22:20

Girl: Why are we going to Macquarie?
Kev: Oh, I'm going for a massage
:)
JookBoy - 03 December '03 - 21:15

What u cooking kev? something spicy?? (ooh it's getting hot in here...)
I'm sure she'll luv whatever u make. Always difficult for a gal to resist a guy that cooks for her.
pskis - 03 December '03 - 22:23

Umm, cocktails, some sort of grilled fish, with salad, and a dessert.
Dessert has already gone slightly askew in trial runs :P

Thanks for the optimism :)
JookBoy (email) - 04 December '03 - 15:33