Guilt

"You feel guilty when you’re doing something you like doing outside of the company.  Only through years of wrestling with this internal fight do you recognize how the word “balance” is an art that is just as important as any other skill set you could ever hope to have. "

- Paul DeJoe, http://www.knowledgeformen.com/what-it-feels-like-to-be-the-ceo-of-a-startup-over-100k-views/

I think anyone that owns their own company has this feeling, and it is reinforced externally as well.  Many people (including good friends) "what? you're not at the restaurant?" as if it is a sin to not watch it every day.  I feel guilty when I take time off, and the guilt is all self-induced.  

Perhaps this is all an ego thing. To be honest, I think that this restaurant can and will run without me.  Will it be the best restaurant that it can be?  Perhaps I am there to push the guys for that extra 5-10%.  As much as I would like to think that I make a big difference, I don't think I really do.  What I can do is to give the boost / structure / comfort / feedback in a "constant, gentle, pressure" kind of way to steer us in the right direction.  And in the long run, that extra 5-10% compounds each day.

But back to balance, my partner noted that I was more distant from the business the last few weeks. I do feel a tiredness, probably due to my own doubts as to where I wish to be.  Ironically, it might be a good way to get some balance in my life, to not be so 100% on the business.We all need to recharge once in a while.

Of course there is that fear that once the foot is off the pedal, it will all come crashing down.  But I doubt it.

Looking at it this way, I realise my personality is about finding things to fix up.  Correlating to that, the fact that something is fixed up means that I don't feel an internal need to keep making it better.  Like a true project manager, once the project is delivered, I move on.  Perhaps this is what I am feeling, a sense of "moving on".  But with the guilt of it being my own business, I need to make sure it gets better. Hence my tiredness!