The Email Spiral
A friend warned me of a phenomenon in email that I feel myself being drawn towards.
It's called the "email spiral" (or something like that), and work basically like this:
Someone that you know keeps in contact with you via email, and only email (or more generally, the Internet).
What happens is that, naturally, people will put their best foot forward, and present themselves in the best possible light. Now there is nothing wrong with presenting yourself in a positive image. However, the difference between real-time interaction and this kind of contact is that both parties have the ability to edit what they say, and how that say it (much like that "Seven Days" video by Craig David), whereas in a face-to-face situation, they don't have that luxury.
What follows is that the emails get longer, the correspondence more meaningful, and you find yourself falling for your perception of someone as they would want to see themselves, rather than who they really are. Coupled with the fact that you are interpreting their emails the way you want to (who here can tell when someone is being sarcastic in other people's emails unless there is that "
Inevitably, the meeting will occur, and this is where sadly hopes are dashed, and that Prince Charming or Independent, Funny, Cutey guy/girl fantasy is blown away.
I'm not saying that there is a solution to this problem, and I for one am deeply engaged in this activity as I write this post. However, it's good to be aware, and once in a while, give them a call, and see if that "internet spark" exists in real-time :)
Damn! fourteen cheap calls already:
sometimes its just best to let the fantasy be...ding! - 02 April '04 - 18:43
I agree. Don't let it go too far before phonecall and/or meeting.
xtn (link) - 04 April '04 - 08:03
gone through the email thing...and its fun for the sake of fun, but i prefer meeting a person face to face...and i dislike generating expectations for myself, where it turns out to be inextricably too high for the person to reach...which is my own fault!
petals - 04 April '04 - 11:17
So what do you do if the person is overseas? More international phone calls?
And petals, are you referring to you hyping yourself up too much, or them hyping themselves up too much, to be reachable?
JookBoy (link) - 04 April '04 - 19:48
I hype the situation too much...i set expectations that the other person will never meet. So, its my fault not theirs that they turn out to be just themselves.
I, personally, wouldnt even pursue a person that was across the water...altho ino of girls who married guys they met while on holiday in another country. The girls stayed in that country instead...so they didnt have to make too many international calls. hehehe...and now they are married and have beautiful half-cast babies... ^_^
petals - 05 April '04 - 08:57
shoot...that still didnt answer ur question! ahahahhaa...what i mean is...i set these expectations of the guys...for example...from emails...i interpret what they write to be what i want it to be...i envision him to be something close to my "ideal" guy...which the likelihood of him turning out to be Mr Right is very slim...
id be picturing a very articulate passionate guy...and yet he could just be a well thought out person who sat at the computer for hours trying to decide on what to write to me!
hopefully that clears things up...
=)
petals - 05 April '04 - 09:14
is it worth going to such lengths for an international relationship?
ding! - 05 April '04 - 13:12
How well did u know the person before all the emails?
And who warned u about this phenomenon?
pskis - 05 April '04 - 16:32
haha, always for that Eurasian look :) That staying overseas seems like a mighty step to take...
Yes, everyone can be that "passionate articulate guy" on email...it's strange (from my experience, anyway) that people can become so attractive so fast!
Pskis, the assumption is that you don't know the person that well prior to email contact...otherwise, in most cases, you would have already have quality time face-to-face. And a friend warned me :P
JookBoy (link) - 05 April '04 - 18:26
And ding! The romantic answer is "of course!"
JookBoy (link) - 05 April '04 - 18:27
Oh bother,
The story of my life!! HAhahah I'm a sucker for words, over numbers, unencumbered numbered worrrrds...
I should really listen to the caring words of xtn and "GET OFF THE INTERNET, MEY!" ^_^
Mey - 06 April '04 - 11:05
*LoL* yeah mey, 'u and i both' should listen to him - and get off the net! *^_^*
petals - 07 April '04 - 04:18
I think it also depends on how perceptive you are, whether or not you can tell if what they're saying is just a load of faff or if they're really being sincere. I think after a couple of emails or chats online you can deduce certain things about them by the way they write, not necessarily by what they say but by the way they say it (does that make sense?)
riss (link) - 07 April '04 - 06:18
And that is the main issue with emails, right riss? That by only reading words, you are unable to get the inflection that comes with thsoe statements, and hence the ability to tell whether that person is sincere or not is made even harder. Coupled with the fact that they can edit what they write, and anything can happen...
And no, stay on the internet! Otherwise no one will comment :)
JookBoy (link) - 07 April '04 - 06:38
