The Good Old Exchange Days

A friend from my exchange days had been touring around Oz and NZ, and had come back for one night before going to Germany to work (that's where his girlfriend lives).

We went out for dinner, and the whole dinner consisted of regaling each other (and other friends with us) with the tales from that exchange trip (also note that my flatmate went on exchange with me). I had forgotten so many of these stories, and made me realise that without regular maintenance, memories can just slip away, and what was a fantastic experience becomes more and more mundane.

Being a non drinker at the time (yes, it was sooo long ago!), I missed out on some major drunken activities, I'm sure. However, I am definitely glad that I missed out on that toilet bowl retching activities that seemed to be in abundance during our story recollections.

One story (which doesn't involve me or alcohol!):
We were at a house party (a very very regular occurence when you're on exchange) and one of our friends brings in these random chicks from the apartments a few doors down. Immediately one of the chicks starts hitting on an Italian friend of mine (Umberto is his name). She works him to one of the bedrooms and makes a move on him. The conversation as follows:

Umberto: I'm sorry, I can't. I have a girlfriend back home.
Girl: That's ok, she's not here.
Umberto: Umm....I also have a girlfriend in the next room...

w00t w00t! :)

There are so many more things that happened...biking around Sweden, skiing, midsummers when the sun didn't set. Someone remind me to look at my old photos more often!

Damn! sixteen cheap calls already:

'Non drinker at the time'???!! You went on exchange when you were what, 3?! No need to be modest babe ;)

WANT.TO.SEE.PICTURES.
beckster (link) - 29 September '04 - 09:57

how can someone not drink when they're on exchange?! isn't the whole point of going on exchange to be corrupted? heh
riss (email) (link) - 29 September '04 - 12:18

hang on, the chicks are hitting on the guy? thats a nice change ...
al - 30 September '04 - 02:10

Bec, there's been a whole "pure" life I've led before all these Friday night drinks started :)

Riss, I tell you that exchange did open my eyes to a whole new perspective on things. More of that "fuck it, just do it" attitude appeared. So in a sense, a (good) corruption occurred!

It's just like Shanghai, al hehe
JookBoy (link) - 30 September '04 - 05:38

haha yeah right, bring your white meat and fat wallet
al - 30 September '04 - 19:58

Pure life? What? In the words of BJimmy...what the heeeel?

And I must agree with Kev Al...you don't have to have white meat or a fat wallet to meet girls in Shanghai; it all depends on how rich your tastes are (and how much you want to taste).
ricegrains (link) - 04 October '04 - 13:21

Here is a question, since it seems like you are all so hot on shanghainese girls... what's the difference between dating an "aggressive" chic in shanghai who throws herself at you and finding yourself a prostitute? In both circumstances : 1. you have to expend a lot of $$$ 2. they are after your $$$
TT (email) - 07 October '04 - 00:42

Whoa!
If you're equating a willingness to buy someone a drink to buying someone for sex, that's a bit of a distant link, no?

Aren't there any "aggressive" Shanghai chicks that like you for you? Like I'm sure everyone has a material consideration in their analysis of you, but it's not the be all and end all for everyone?
JookBoy (link) - 07 October '04 - 12:17

While you are technically correct.... i question the underlying motives : why are you buying her a drink? what is your end game?? and what is hers?? of course if it is just for a chat, a flirt, then you are right....
TT (email) - 07 October '04 - 13:14

kota kinabalu... highly under rated.
bjee - 10 October '04 - 10:54

I would buy a drink as a social courtesy.
I wish she would buy me a drink, but I think that's wishing for too much :)

I think the end game is something that you can't predict, it's not like you are thinking that far ahead. But if you like her and she likes you....

Can I ask you, then, if a guy buys you a drink, do you automatically think they want to have sex with you?? Do you always question a guy's motives for buying you the drink? Can't he just be generous?
JookBoy (link) - 10 October '04 - 11:14

"Can't he just be generous"...? Err...no. Social courtesy? Bit far-fetched. When guys buy girls they don't know a drink at a bar it normally goes hand in hand with some ulterior motive - even a chat or a flirt is considered an underlying ulterior motive. Generally speaking the reason isn't as simple as because they're generous unfortunately, but of course there are always precious exceptions :)

I distinctly remember buying you a drink at Pier 26 not so long ago.
beckster (link) - 10 October '04 - 17:19

Then my wishes have come true!
Or did you have an ulterior motive? ;)
JookBoy (link) - 11 October '04 - 11:24

Before this degenerates into an A and B conversation that the rest of us can C our way out of, let me just answer TT's questions by saying that the difference between spending a lot on a girl and paying for one is the method. Sure it may lead to the same thing if you focus on the end gain, but it's up to the individual what they're comfortable with.

And as for buying drinks, quit frontin' ya'll! You know it's all about the ulterior motives. I don't see anyone shouting the whole bar when they walk in the door.
ricegrains (link) - 12 October '04 - 16:37

Jimmy does
xtn (link) - 14 October '04 - 11:49

A Dedication

To Jen and Des,

I was trying to write something meaningful in your guest book, but 12:05am after a long day wasn't helping the focus :)

You are probably the first couple in our close group of friends that's getting married, and for that I congratulate you. It takes a lot of mental preparation, both economically and emotionally, to go through a wedding, and I'm sure you both will be glad that the ceremony's all over and you get to relax on your honeymoon for a while!

I believe you two make a wonderful husband and wife, and yet I have this feeling that there will not be that much of a change. As a couple, you have managed to keep that delicate balance between friends and your own relationship so that we never feel we've lost contact. Hopefully there will be no change to that balance, and that you guys will always be there for me, as I will be there for you.

UK does not seem that far away now, for you both and (hopefully!) for me. It will be a new chapter in our lives, and I'm sure it will be a blast (remember to go to Scandanavia during the summer, tanned babes everywhere...not that you care, right Des? Actually, that reminder was really for myself :P)

Your speech that night was all quality Des. You just have to restrain that part of you that has to qualify all your statements. Although I heard from Manda that when you said "I've known over the last three years that you were the one, I think...", that the "I think" was actually the start of the next sentence! :) Punctuate properly! I think you should give Jen the speech so that she knows what you were really trying to say haha

For some of us in the group, we might take a little bit more time to get to this goal that you have achieved last night, but we're all working on it in some little way. You both have shown me that love is real, and that, through thick and thin, it's worth it in the end.

"From today, until forever, I promise to love you, I promise to hold you...." What a song!

love, Kev

Damn! two cheap calls already:

Congrats Des and Jen once again. Beautiful wedding, classic speeches and gorgeous bride. Stunning groomsmen and bridesmaids too.
Addy (link) - 19 September '04 - 04:58

Thanks Kev for your sweet words! I'm pretty sure nothing with change either - except maybe more serious arguments over who will be the lady/fella of leisure - but for sure that we will always be around for you too (esp for lots of the goss that u might want to share! :)).

Thanks for being one of our closest friends and for all your hard photo posing for the wedding!
mushiejc (link) - 20 September '04 - 19:28

The Player Syndrome

A friend of mine told me a story of when she first met me. Just after we met, someone asked her:
"Have you met Kev before?", to which she replied in the negative. Her friend's response (or some variant of this):

"He's quite friendly, but he's a bit of a player"

What the...??

The reasoning was that I flirted with a lot of chicks when I'm out and about.
I've always been of the thought that being a player implies a certain sense of purpose to your actions, that you deliberately set out to mislead a girl for some booty calling. Can a person be an "accidental" player? Isn't that a contradiction in terms? If you are just a friendly person, can that be misconstrued as "playing"?

Most of the time I do not wish for such a title. It has the potential to detract from chicks that might actually like me, to be a bit more guarded when they chat. However, I'm generally an optimist, and would like to look at it from a different perspective...at least I don't stop meeting new people!

You just have to be honest with your intentions, I think. If casual is what you want, then say it. There's no right and wrong in these situations. If I'm feeling the same, I'll let you know.

Oh well, as my good friend Jo says "let a player play, y'all!"

Damn! 23 cheap calls already:

you know, certain girls can be drawn to these kinds of reputations too ... you knooow you want it babee!
al - 12 September '04 - 23:49

Just be thankful you don't suffer from the "nice guy syndrome" - trust me, it's not that great!
shuai - 13 September '04 - 04:09

Flirting = playing? I tend to agree that some people are naturally flirty, touchy-feely and sociable, which can be misconstrued as playing as you say. You would fit into this category, no?

The word 'player' often has negative connotations, but to me it simply means a person who is not looking for a serious relationship. As long as a)you're honest b)you're single c) the ppl you play with are single too, then the world's your oyster. Play away. Go Jookboy go.
beckster (link) - 13 September '04 - 05:24

Man, you're not a player. A player 'plays someone', in terms such as you have fun with people, play them for what you think they're worth so to speak, and then move on. Players may also string women along, in multiples usually, and I don't think you do that, do you?

If you can safely say to yourself that you don't play women like puppets, that you aren't just out to use women like your name was 'Pimpin Hoes' Chung, that you don't cheat on the ladies that you're seeing... if you can say these things to yourself and truly believe them, then you're not a player. You're just a single guy, and like a lot of the other single guys out there, you're just trying to meet someone. You can't do that by keeping to yourself and twiddling your thumbs right?
Dre - 13 September '04 - 07:05

I'm with dre. I don't think u r a player in the sense of the word we use today. U don't set out with negative intentions towards the women u are friendly with. Any reputation u get as such is more a factor of ur relative environment, i.e. what the people around u regard as the norm. U'd be goody 2 shoes over here jb.
pskis - 13 September '04 - 08:32

don't worry dude, i wouldn't rate you as a "player" in the true sense of the word.. extremely jolly, very friendly, tremendously hypo (esp when usher's on) - yes, but not a player :)
so (email) - 13 September '04 - 13:24

I totally agree with dre and pskis too. You;re not a player in the negative sense. But i can see why ppl say that. To me you're just overly friendly and like making friends and are 'playing' the field which does not mean u play around with gals hearts and then squish them. So in that sense, PLAY ON!.

Meanwhile, beckster is a wanna-be-player HAHAHAHA Stop breaking guys hearts you foxy chick you!.
Addy - 13 September '04 - 14:22

Don't you just LOVE how everyone's saying you're 'overly friendly' JB? What's that supposed to mean, is that akin to being overly nice or overly helpful ie. too much of a positive makes a negative?? Agree with Dre, you're a single dude trying to meet the one, that ain't going to happen while you knit booties at home.

Whaaaat?! Addy you're creating a rep for me on JB's blog! And if anything I'm the real thing, not a wannabe =p.
beckster (link) - 13 September '04 - 18:14

Quality cheap calls round!

- Break out from that nice guy syndrome Shuai!
- Yes, touchy-feely and sociable I am. Aren't you the same...or that only on Friday nights? :P
- No multiple action Dre, and no cheating. It's all about trust
- Yes, pskis, Vietnam is a next port of call
- Usher Usher!
- Wanna-be-players unite! :)
JookBoy (link) - 13 September '04 - 19:38

I agree with your friend Jo.

Let a playa play ya'll...shhiaaat~
ricegrains (link) - 13 September '04 - 20:02

"Overly friendly" could be an issue. Maybe I just need to direct that friendliness a bit more!
JookBoy (link) - 13 September '04 - 20:28

BECKY IS A PLAYER! SHE Broke my heart!!! DAMN YOU BIATCHHHH :P
Addy - 14 September '04 - 04:34

well Becks.. you DID pick me up in a club... and our relationship has grown from strength to strength since. I got them butterflies that you talk about on your blog that nite... :) *sigh* hee hee
so - 14 September '04 - 04:54

hmm...the comment your friend made after someone asked her when she first met you...well that was the same conclusion i had after i first met you too.

someone asked what i thought of you, and as a first impression your are very friendly...but the more i saw you, i came to realise that it was part of your nature to be a really friendly, fun-loving guy w/genuine intentions...nothing player like.

dont change...
petals - 14 September '04 - 07:39

I'm touchy-feely and sociable on saturday nights too JB =p. See how many of us luv you the way you are? Don't change. Perhaps re-direct as you say, but don't change.

Addy: I thought I broke your shoulders, not your heart! Let's go bench-press together biatch.

I got butterflies from you as well So, maybe you can help me strengthen that player image and pump up the girl-on-girl action to make the boys drool. Still swear it was YOU who picked me up at 333!! You're just in denial over how much you were attracted to me!!
beckster (link) - 14 September '04 - 08:10

My conclusion after first meeting u jb was that u were a bit of a d!ck. U were wearing a Goofy tie (or was it a badge?) and u were mopping up the drink i'd spilled on my school uniform with ur own trouser leg.
Thank goodness u don't wear Goofy accessories anymore.
pskis - 14 September '04 - 10:31

di - at least that we know of!!! send me an email - lost your deets
bjee - 14 September '04 - 10:53

"The same conclusion"? Noooo....
And why do people keep asking other people what their first impressions of me are??

hehe, yes Bec, I'll keep that in mind :P

pskis, I swears there was no towel around. Obviously trying to be a gentlemen doesn't cut it anymore :)
Yes, fortunately I came to my senses, and the Goofy accessories have been archived.
JookBoy (link) - 14 September '04 - 13:14

errr... i know i'm going to get my arse wooped for this call, but kev, could it be cause you're hanging out with the stereotypical asian crowd most of the time? and the ppl in that crowd are probably very "straight", very "moralistic", and consider anything outside of holding hands - playing around? harsh over-generalisation, but you get the picture. now excuse me while i run for cover -reenie hides out in a nuclear bunker-
reenie - 14 September '04 - 13:34

C'mon Reenie...you know better than that! As the alpha-stereotype-Asian-crowd-male, I can safely say that...well, we won't swoop.

For now.

You have been warned.

Hee~ :)
ricegrains (link) - 14 September '04 - 16:45

Player?! You WISHZ0r you was a playaZ0r!!! LOL.

at least your not known as "Dodgy Kev".. imagine that :)

Ok ok, when someone asks me about you I will say "oh, you mean the strikingly handsome, movie star esque ex-model stripper Kev? Yeah.. he's cool"
PeeDz - 14 September '04 - 17:35

reenie, you're probably right, with regards to that we have conservative friends. I think pskis has mentioned that numerous times.

Yes, Dodgy Kev doesn't have that good "ring" about it
Cheers mate, you're all one can ask for in a friend :P
And considering our next skit, I think we're "current"-model stripper!
JookBoy (link) - 15 September '04 - 06:12

Yes, that ex-stripper has turned out to be quite prophetic....
PeeDz - 26 September '04 - 17:47

Singapore Subsidiez

I went to a family dinner on Sunday night, and was told that I should go to Singapore. There is a mandate from the government via the Social Development Unit to have more Singaporeans marry and have kids. Apparently the previous mandate of getting everyone to become a professional and pursuing careers is to the detriment of the family life, and therefore the population of Singapore suffers.

So I was informed by some family friends that if I had three kids, I would be earning a tidy sum of SG$35,000...that's nearly my annual income! :) I was also told of Speed Dating, singles activities and function....anything to get people together. There is now a lunch service that matches you up with other "busy professionals". I especially love the bit in the FAQ section, where it tells you that the "founder of Lunch Actually has been certified by the Matchmaking Institute in New York , an institute started by one of the most established modern-day matchmakers in US." There's an intitute for this stuff??

Of course, this got the entrepreneurial side of me thinking that Jook would be great over there. Jook Singles would promote family oriented fun, where the aim is make every event a reunion of your old friends that you haven't seen in ages! We would promote via viral marketing ie email, and hopefully I'll get some money from LKY for this service :)

What this whole social experimentation has shown is that you cannot forgo everything for one focus. Whilst we all have great career aspirations, it is finding that right person that really is the key to a happy and balanced life. The other thing that strikes me is that all these services keep emphasising the fact that you are so busy you have no time for dating. Don't they realise that if you do find someone you really like, you will make time for them, no matter what?

Damn! seven cheap calls already:

a friend of mine has started up http://www.feverlunches.com
check if out if you're interested in meeting some "busy professionals" over lunch... registration is free and you could win $250!
ding! (link) - 06 September '04 - 06:51

Hah, I liked how the website says that the media are getting the fever, and one of the articles they display is their own ad :)
JookBoy (link) - 06 September '04 - 06:59

y'all might end up romancing each other through those lunching sites, remember, the asian social scene is sydney is reduced to a maximum of 3 degrees of separation.
ue - 06 September '04 - 08:02

I think it's closer to 2 degrees of separation ue.

I used to say that all exes and their exes should be transported to some remote island, kinda like convicts. Have figured out that is not feasible now since there'll be nobody else left to play with!

Does lunch today count as a fever lunch? We're busy professionals!
beckster (link) - 06 September '04 - 10:23

Sick of getting rejected because well, you're ugly? Quit playing those silly relationship games and come to SINGAPORE - the desperate and dateless capital of the WORLD. Not only will you get laid, we'll pay you for it! Visit -----> http://www.singaporehos.com.sg
Dre - 06 September '04 - 12:22

Jookboy, if you can singlehandedly raise the population of Singapore with that entrepreneurial spirit of yours, i'm sure you can expect a big fat "Hong Bao" from the Lee family. Or maybe they'll give you a lifetime free subscription to Optus.

But hey, it's not only Singapore who's passing such a "mandate". If i'm not wrong, some minister of yours went something like "One for the husband, one for the wife and one for the country!"
dsd (link) - 06 September '04 - 19:13

Haha, I'm down for Optus

You make a good point dsd. I was also told that Australia was letting in a lot more Chinese immigrants than before. Unshackled from that one child policy, our kiddie population will explode!
JookBoy (link) - 07 September '04 - 19:16

The Snooze Button

I am a fan of the snooze button. there's a certain comfort in knowing that hitting the snooze button on the alarm will allow you a few more precious minutes of sleep before you have to get up, without the fear that you will totally miss the alarm.

However, I'm beginning to believe that it really is not good for me. Example:

1. Alarm set at 7:45am.
2. Alarm goes off, I hit the snooze button.
3. 6 snooze button presses later (at intervals of 8min), it's 8:33am, and I'm still not out of bed.
4. I'm now regularly late to work (lucky my boss is relatively lenient on time of arrival!)

The snooze button implies delaying the inevitable. There's an unwillingness to face a new day by attempting (somewhat pointlessly) to grab those few more minutes of sleep. And since you really can't fall asleep within an 8min timeframe, you just lie there, waiting for the next alarm to go off.

Obviously I am comfortable in the state I'm in, but is there a more sub-conscious reason about the excessive use of the snooze? Probably not, but I'm going to attempt some meaningful ie random dialogue below. Yes it's Friday, I'm in Melbourne, people did not come to my training session, so I'm searching for more meaning in my life :)

Am I just tired?
Do I not want to face the day ahead?
Is my job that bad that I'm willing to be late all the time?
Is it because of the inherent nature of people in being resistant to change?
Am I STILL recovering from that Gold Coast buck's weekend?

Strangely enough, if you have something really important going on early in the day ie having to go to the airport at 6:00am, you will automatically wake up and get yourself ready without any snoozing action.

So here's the resolution. Have to get up on the first alarm, no excuses. I did it this morning, and I feel better already!

Damn! thirteen cheap calls already:

Can relate. Also am a snooze-aholic. Always remember not to put anything breakable between ur bed and the alarm clock as all the hand-to-button action should happen with ur eyes still closed. I do think sometimes that after multiple repetitions of alarm, snooze, alarm snooze, u prob could have just set the alarm later and gotten a more decent half hour of uninterrupted sleep.
pskis - 02 September '04 - 16:24

haha...an interesting post about something we hardly think about but is such an integral part of our lives! I love the snooze button...thankfully i'm usually up after one snooze cycle, else my boss wouldn't be too happy!
dsd (email) (link) - 03 September '04 - 15:39

Good to know it's not just me who's a snooze-button junkie! The twilight between sleep and consciousness is just so blissful, that plus enjoying something illicit that you're not supposed to be enjoying makes it all the more sweeter.
beckster (link) - 04 September '04 - 16:09

Update:
I put the alarm to once off only today, woke up at 7:45am, and promptly stayed in bed till 8:30am, even without the alarm. :(

"something illicit"? I didn't know the snooze button was a criminal offence :)
JookBoy (link) - 05 September '04 - 05:55

i use my phone as my alarm clock. does it have snooze? hehe....
addy - 05 September '04 - 15:05

as a matter of fact, the mobile phone alarm clock does have a snooze button - but you gotta pick up the phone and hit the snooze button through half dazed squinting eyes and you know how big they make them phones these days.
ue - 05 September '04 - 17:23

i am snooze queen - so much so that i now have to set my clock half an hour fast. then set my alarm for half hour before i need to get up (which is actually an hour before i need to get up cause my clock is fast). alarm goes off and can hit snooze button multiple times - feels like sleeping in for and hour and eventually get up 15 mins before need to really leave the house - get up get dressed and get out the front door! - it's all psychological i tells ya :)
mushiejc (link) - 05 September '04 - 17:45

Geeeeez Bec, what kinda dreams do YOU have?! I want some "illicit" dreams like that! HA!
...
...
note to self: stop verbalising thoughts out loud.. ;p
So (email) - 05 September '04 - 18:50

*deadpan* I used the term 'ilicit' loosely to describe the enjoyment of something you know you're not supposed to ie. chocolate after spin class, wallowing in bed when you KNOW you need to get your fat azz to work.

No comment on what I'm dreaming about when I'm abusing the snooze button!
beckster (link) - 06 September '04 - 06:10

Getting out of bed in the morning certainly does have a subconscious element to it. You are correct in saying that when needed at the airport by 6am you automatically wake up. Why? Perhaps it is purely based on the fact that you are expecting something different in your day. Yet it may be the fact that you have mentally prepared yourself differently.

For example, thinking of the list of all the things you have to do to get yourself on the plane (get out of bed, brush teeth, shower, get dressed, pack your luggage, drive, park etc) can become overwhelming and undesirable. However, if you instead focussed upon WHY you were getting on the plane you will easily motivate yourself.

Similarly, this applies in your Monday to Friday morning routine. If your thoughts are focussed on what must be done(get up, go to work, work all day, spend time with people you don't like, etc), as opposed to WHY you are doing them (build a future, provide for your family, meet new people, buy a house etc) you will have trouble getting out of bed on the first alarm.

Or you could make it even simpler by moving your alarm clock to the other side of the room (or into another room) so you are unable to reach it from where you are sleeping.

We all need a compelling reason to get up in the morning. I am normally up by 5:30 each morning and find that by getting out of bed, putting my sneakers on (right next to my bed) and leaving the house for a walk is a perfect morning routine which gets my day started.

Basically, if you aren't jumping out of bed in the morning excited about a new day, then your passion for life is lacking. Either that or your significant other is awake...
taipan - 09 September '04 - 07:17

Wise words taipan, totally agree. The even stranger thing I noticed was that today (Saturday), I woke up feeling quite fresh at 6:00am, even though I went to bed at 1:30am! Must be something good happening today
JookBoy (link) - 10 September '04 - 08:05

I too am a fan of the snooze button, however it's gotten so bad that now I have to set my initial alarm for 5:45am. This provides a large enough time period for me to hit snooze about 12 times before I eventually roll out of bed by 7:30am, heh.
riss (link) - 12 September '04 - 08:24