Actions Or Words?

What do you believe in? What someone says or what they do?

I was listening to the radio this morning, and they had people people ringing in with regards to who had the most boring relationship. A girl rang up to say that she and her boyfriend had been going out for 17 months, and he had never gone outside of his place with him (obviously they must have been doing things at home which was entertaining enough! But I digress...)

The point is that there are people who are complaining how bad it is, and yet they are still plugging away at the relationship. Yes, I can understand the odd complaint here and there about how their partner doesn't do exactly what they want, but for 17 months??

Anyways, a friend directed me to a quality site for guys. The real interesting part (of course) is the dating section. The whole basis of the advice is to retain an air of "mystery" about you, to keep the girl's interest levels high by being a "Challenge" and all sorts of fun stuff. The main point though is this. That when girls give those excuses that we have all heard, that's what they are, excuses. Never rationalise a girl's behaviour. And the other point is that girls will not let a small setback throw them off if they are actually interested in you.

So then if actions mean a lot more than words, where does that leave the grinding part? Is that just a random event? I've come to the conclusion that grinding opens the door, but doesn't let you in. It's short term fun, with no long term promise. Curse that social lubricant they call alcohol! :)

And thanks to everyone that turned up to the party on Saturday night. I had an awesome time!

Damn! 19 cheap calls already:

So...what you're trying to say is that you got your grind awwn, but are just leaving it at that?

Why not follow up the action with a word?
ricegrains (link) - 24 July '04 - 19:45

... or more action?
xtn (link) - 25 July '04 - 06:19

why do you want to curse the social lubricant called alcohol? Do girls grind against you at any time other than when alcohol is involved? If so, then damn you got game :)

Perhaps grinding isn't the 'gateway' to that which you seek?
taipan - 25 July '04 - 07:59

I dont quite understand why people stay in relationships that they are not happy with and yet complain...change the direction in which it is heading (or lack there of).

About the air of Mystery, to remain a Challenge...thats the same advice women are given about men. BUT, the point about girls and setbacks:

"...girls will not let a small setback throw them off if they are actually interested in you."

I dont think that is entirely true...because even if she is honestly interested and there is an obstacle (more like a couple small setbacks)...most likely...she will move right along and give up. We do get thrown off the track, as much as boys do.
petals - 25 July '04 - 10:09

I'm not saying that there's no follow-up...I'm just saying that you shouldn't over-commit. It's all about self control.

It depends on the level of alcohol when the said grinding occurs, and that's hard to judge :)
Yes, maybe it isn't the gateway, which is why it's just short term fun.

Then, petals, the thought follows that she wasn't genuinely interested. Persistence wins in the end, I am sure. It's a matter of testing their resolve :)

Actually, I've reread this entry. It doesn't make that much sense!
JookBoy (link) - 25 July '04 - 13:49

to keep the girl's interest levels high by being a "Challenge" and all sorts of fun stuff

If you are too challenging I think a girl would just give up, she's going to wonder why she's wasting her time on someone who isn't entirely responsive when she could be seeing someone else. There's only so many games a person can take :)
riss (email) (link) - 25 July '04 - 14:11

i agree with riss. its the same with you boys. if the gal plays too hard to get too much, u get bored and give up. its a bit of both. and for that comment about complaining about relationships, i think most ppl complain a litttle about things in relationships. However you sometimes/rarely hear about all the good stuff of that relationship. Very few relationships dont have little issues, if they didnt, it mite get boring if anything. Big issues, thats a whole different blog for you.
addy - 25 July '04 - 15:06

oh yeh, grinding....
i think grinding means more to guys than gals. it opens a little door....cos if she wasnt interested in you AT ALL, she would run....
addy - 25 July '04 - 15:09

If she wasnt interested in your AT ALL, she hasn't had enough drinks :D

And whats so strange about staying in a bad rship. Remember, not all people have had the cosy upbringings most of us have had. For some ppl, its their only avenue for at least some sort of intimacy and companionship, its so easy to blind yourself to the negatives.

For some, bad is better than alone.
Peedz - 25 July '04 - 15:48

you're right, the entry didn't make much sense (hehe)

actions will always speak louder than words

and thanks for an awesome night on saturday. haven't had one of those in years!
al (email) - 26 July '04 - 12:15

i dont disagree about persistance, i wrote a blog about persistance paying off! altho, the amount of time you would spend being persistant each different person will vary, right? if it was a shorter span of time, it doesnt mean u werent genuinely interested...it just means u woke up earlier and realised that maybe that person isnt right for you if they arent showing an interest back and/or they keep playing games with you? which riss' point comes in...there are only so many games a person can take, girl or boy.
petals - 27 July '04 - 09:46

"altho, the amount of time you would spend being persistant each different person will vary, right?"

Yes, exactly. So the point is to separate the wheat from the chaff, as it were.

And what they are saying is that what chicks define as "right" is most likely someone whom they see as a challenge.

If you know they're playing games you quit, but obviously being a challenge is a little bit different.
JookBoy (email) (link) - 28 July '04 - 14:37

the type of girl that we want to be attracted to us is probably in high demand from plenty of others. make it too much of a challenge for them, and they'll just go movin' onto the next hot stud!
al - 29 July '04 - 00:34

Al, are those the chicks that will just thumb you through and through? :)
JookBoy (link) - 06 August '04 - 07:05

I think the best way to remain a 'challenge' to girls is just to have heaps of girlfriends. That way you are a challenge naturally. You don't have to pretend to be busy on Fri and Sat nights, and so organise a breakfast date for Wednesday morning coz that's the only time you can fit it in.

Being desirable to women is a lifestyle, not a couple of things you can memorise from a men's help webpage.

RC
randomcow - 08 August '04 - 11:00

Can I clarfy that as actual girlfriends, or just friends that are chicks? Cause I'm sure my buds would call me a "ho" (some already do!)
JookBoy (link) - 08 August '04 - 18:52

You know, we can refer to them as whatever we want. Guys don't really care about labels - the chicks can keep track of where the relationship is at any point in time. Chicks care about this kind of stuff.

But to help define it, "Females you are already shagging, or are working on." How's that?

And yes, you're a ho.

RC
randomcow - 09 August '04 - 04:26

Thanks :)

I think I would hit a moral issue with shagging becoming a plural. Maybe that's why I don't have that challenge about me.
JookBoy (link) - 10 August '04 - 06:51

maybe.

:)
randomcow - 10 August '04 - 07:05