The Player Syndrome

A friend of mine told me a story of when she first met me. Just after we met, someone asked her:
"Have you met Kev before?", to which she replied in the negative. Her friend's response (or some variant of this):

"He's quite friendly, but he's a bit of a player"

What the...??

The reasoning was that I flirted with a lot of chicks when I'm out and about.
I've always been of the thought that being a player implies a certain sense of purpose to your actions, that you deliberately set out to mislead a girl for some booty calling. Can a person be an "accidental" player? Isn't that a contradiction in terms? If you are just a friendly person, can that be misconstrued as "playing"?

Most of the time I do not wish for such a title. It has the potential to detract from chicks that might actually like me, to be a bit more guarded when they chat. However, I'm generally an optimist, and would like to look at it from a different perspective...at least I don't stop meeting new people!

You just have to be honest with your intentions, I think. If casual is what you want, then say it. There's no right and wrong in these situations. If I'm feeling the same, I'll let you know.

Oh well, as my good friend Jo says "let a player play, y'all!"

Damn! 23 cheap calls already:

you know, certain girls can be drawn to these kinds of reputations too ... you knooow you want it babee!
al - 12 September '04 - 23:49

Just be thankful you don't suffer from the "nice guy syndrome" - trust me, it's not that great!
shuai - 13 September '04 - 04:09

Flirting = playing? I tend to agree that some people are naturally flirty, touchy-feely and sociable, which can be misconstrued as playing as you say. You would fit into this category, no?

The word 'player' often has negative connotations, but to me it simply means a person who is not looking for a serious relationship. As long as a)you're honest b)you're single c) the ppl you play with are single too, then the world's your oyster. Play away. Go Jookboy go.
beckster (link) - 13 September '04 - 05:24

Man, you're not a player. A player 'plays someone', in terms such as you have fun with people, play them for what you think they're worth so to speak, and then move on. Players may also string women along, in multiples usually, and I don't think you do that, do you?

If you can safely say to yourself that you don't play women like puppets, that you aren't just out to use women like your name was 'Pimpin Hoes' Chung, that you don't cheat on the ladies that you're seeing... if you can say these things to yourself and truly believe them, then you're not a player. You're just a single guy, and like a lot of the other single guys out there, you're just trying to meet someone. You can't do that by keeping to yourself and twiddling your thumbs right?
Dre - 13 September '04 - 07:05

I'm with dre. I don't think u r a player in the sense of the word we use today. U don't set out with negative intentions towards the women u are friendly with. Any reputation u get as such is more a factor of ur relative environment, i.e. what the people around u regard as the norm. U'd be goody 2 shoes over here jb.
pskis - 13 September '04 - 08:32

don't worry dude, i wouldn't rate you as a "player" in the true sense of the word.. extremely jolly, very friendly, tremendously hypo (esp when usher's on) - yes, but not a player :)
so (email) - 13 September '04 - 13:24

I totally agree with dre and pskis too. You;re not a player in the negative sense. But i can see why ppl say that. To me you're just overly friendly and like making friends and are 'playing' the field which does not mean u play around with gals hearts and then squish them. So in that sense, PLAY ON!.

Meanwhile, beckster is a wanna-be-player HAHAHAHA Stop breaking guys hearts you foxy chick you!.
Addy - 13 September '04 - 14:22

Don't you just LOVE how everyone's saying you're 'overly friendly' JB? What's that supposed to mean, is that akin to being overly nice or overly helpful ie. too much of a positive makes a negative?? Agree with Dre, you're a single dude trying to meet the one, that ain't going to happen while you knit booties at home.

Whaaaat?! Addy you're creating a rep for me on JB's blog! And if anything I'm the real thing, not a wannabe =p.
beckster (link) - 13 September '04 - 18:14

Quality cheap calls round!

- Break out from that nice guy syndrome Shuai!
- Yes, touchy-feely and sociable I am. Aren't you the same...or that only on Friday nights? :P
- No multiple action Dre, and no cheating. It's all about trust
- Yes, pskis, Vietnam is a next port of call
- Usher Usher!
- Wanna-be-players unite! :)
JookBoy (link) - 13 September '04 - 19:38

I agree with your friend Jo.

Let a playa play ya'll...shhiaaat~
ricegrains (link) - 13 September '04 - 20:02

"Overly friendly" could be an issue. Maybe I just need to direct that friendliness a bit more!
JookBoy (link) - 13 September '04 - 20:28

BECKY IS A PLAYER! SHE Broke my heart!!! DAMN YOU BIATCHHHH :P
Addy - 14 September '04 - 04:34

well Becks.. you DID pick me up in a club... and our relationship has grown from strength to strength since. I got them butterflies that you talk about on your blog that nite... :) *sigh* hee hee
so - 14 September '04 - 04:54

hmm...the comment your friend made after someone asked her when she first met you...well that was the same conclusion i had after i first met you too.

someone asked what i thought of you, and as a first impression your are very friendly...but the more i saw you, i came to realise that it was part of your nature to be a really friendly, fun-loving guy w/genuine intentions...nothing player like.

dont change...
petals - 14 September '04 - 07:39

I'm touchy-feely and sociable on saturday nights too JB =p. See how many of us luv you the way you are? Don't change. Perhaps re-direct as you say, but don't change.

Addy: I thought I broke your shoulders, not your heart! Let's go bench-press together biatch.

I got butterflies from you as well So, maybe you can help me strengthen that player image and pump up the girl-on-girl action to make the boys drool. Still swear it was YOU who picked me up at 333!! You're just in denial over how much you were attracted to me!!
beckster (link) - 14 September '04 - 08:10

My conclusion after first meeting u jb was that u were a bit of a d!ck. U were wearing a Goofy tie (or was it a badge?) and u were mopping up the drink i'd spilled on my school uniform with ur own trouser leg.
Thank goodness u don't wear Goofy accessories anymore.
pskis - 14 September '04 - 10:31

di - at least that we know of!!! send me an email - lost your deets
bjee - 14 September '04 - 10:53

"The same conclusion"? Noooo....
And why do people keep asking other people what their first impressions of me are??

hehe, yes Bec, I'll keep that in mind :P

pskis, I swears there was no towel around. Obviously trying to be a gentlemen doesn't cut it anymore :)
Yes, fortunately I came to my senses, and the Goofy accessories have been archived.
JookBoy (link) - 14 September '04 - 13:14

errr... i know i'm going to get my arse wooped for this call, but kev, could it be cause you're hanging out with the stereotypical asian crowd most of the time? and the ppl in that crowd are probably very "straight", very "moralistic", and consider anything outside of holding hands - playing around? harsh over-generalisation, but you get the picture. now excuse me while i run for cover -reenie hides out in a nuclear bunker-
reenie - 14 September '04 - 13:34

C'mon Reenie...you know better than that! As the alpha-stereotype-Asian-crowd-male, I can safely say that...well, we won't swoop.

For now.

You have been warned.

Hee~ :)
ricegrains (link) - 14 September '04 - 16:45

Player?! You WISHZ0r you was a playaZ0r!!! LOL.

at least your not known as "Dodgy Kev".. imagine that :)

Ok ok, when someone asks me about you I will say "oh, you mean the strikingly handsome, movie star esque ex-model stripper Kev? Yeah.. he's cool"
PeeDz - 14 September '04 - 17:35

reenie, you're probably right, with regards to that we have conservative friends. I think pskis has mentioned that numerous times.

Yes, Dodgy Kev doesn't have that good "ring" about it
Cheers mate, you're all one can ask for in a friend :P
And considering our next skit, I think we're "current"-model stripper!
JookBoy (link) - 15 September '04 - 06:12

Yes, that ex-stripper has turned out to be quite prophetic....
PeeDz - 26 September '04 - 17:47