Neurotic Imposture

Reading this symptom is Boss magazine, and the actual research paper, probably the best way to describe this symptom is with a story.

A bright young employee is promoted to a mor senior level within the company. He/she is very clever, but feared that they couldn't take on the new job's responsibilities. At the root of the dlemma was their suspicion that they are just not good enough, and they lived in dread that they would be exposed any minute. Whilst on the outside observer their achievements are great, annd that they are extrememly successful leaders, deep down inside they see themselves as frauds. It causes them to believe that they don't deserve their success at all.

Now the problem with this is that as you go higher up the corporate ladder, there will be a time where you will be in the number one position. This is where the person is expected to stand on his or her own. When this occurs, risk aversion sets in, and the organisation with a neurotic impostor as its CEO will fail to tackle entrepreneurial and high risk activities, stifling growth.

Something struck me in that article, it seemed to be quite similar to how I feel. Granted, I'm not top 5% of the INSEAD graduation class (as per the article) but I often tell others that I think the achievements I have made have been due to luck and right timing more than anything else. I look towards the future of my career and there is a fear that I will head up some business unit and I will just not have the right stuff.

But there can be a cure. Of course the first thing is self-identification of this issue. The other is to recognise that mistakes and failures can offer great opportunities for learning and personal growth, and that the fear of failure should not be debilitating. Constructive criticism should be welcomed, not a catastrophe.

Anyone out there a neurotic imposture?

Damn! seven cheap calls already:

as a 'professional services' professional, i think ppl pay waaay too much for my services. then again, i know other 'professional services' professionals who charge at almost twice my rate. i also feel that i'm over-paid, which probably explains the need for my exorbitant rates, but that doesn't stop me from wanting more money!!

impostor, i don't know, but definitely neurotic. bwahahahaha

btw, u were mighty stoned or drunk or your left pinky must've been hanging off your hand when u typed that post. check out all the typos!! :b
ken (link) - 19 October '05 - 09:50

Yeah, it was a bit of a rush post before dinner :) Not of the usual high standards.

Ah, the key to the exorbitant rates is known as "overhead" ie drunken corporate parties, karaoke nights, free birthday cakes, stationery etc etc
JookBoy (link) - 19 October '05 - 09:59

Dude, you're not an impostor. You've worked hard up until now. Give yourself some credit.

When the day comes for you to head up a business unit and you don't have the right stuff, you'll probably stuff it up. You wouldn't be the first.

Actually, as you know I started work out here in Hokkaido about three weeks ago. They've got me working as a Bell boy, so I greet the guests, take their luggage and show them to the front desk. Then when they have finished checking in I take them to their room, and explain the features of the room (air con, fridge, japanese YUKATA and slippers, the view, etc). Thing is, there's this whole seperate language for when you speak to customers/guests which I had read about but never actually used. Which could be the same as you - you can do stuff to prepare for the next big step, but there's nothing like actually doing it (there's no shortage of 'How to be a CEO' books out there).

So first couple of times I took guests to their rooms I stuffed up a lot. But by the end of the first week I was doing it like a pro. These days I have relaxed a lot more, and I joke with the guests in the elevator. At the same time I'm still trying to refine my language and do the best job I can.

RC
randomcow - 22 October '05 - 07:43

dude, sorry to hijack your blog, but I couldn't think of a more suitable place to put an update so that everyone could read it.

So this week I got kicked out of the place I was living. It was a shit place to begin with that the agent had found for me and this other guy working at the hotel for the same agent. 30 minutes walk from the station over a huge fucking hill (fun until winter comes along and it starts snowing. Like, this week). Asshole owners who don't let me use the kitchen, and are just dislikable people. strange smell. old. 200yen for a shower, or to use the washing machine. Cold. Expensive. Nothing open nearby after about 10pm. Well, the convenience store was open until 11:00pm. Kinda like a guest house except shit.

So me and the other guy living with me there had pretty much decided we were moving out, and had already started looking for a place in TEINE which is much closer to Sapporo. They have 24 hour stuff there, like a supermarket and bars that are open until late.

The thing is, there is a contract between the agent that we are working for and the owner of the shitty house. Please understand that the agent chose this place without looking at it. In fact, the agent that I'm working for has never been to Hokkaido. So of course when we let the agent know that we are thinking of leaving after just one month then he decides to try and get out of the one year contract as cheaply as possible. he ends up having an argument with the owner of the house, who says he wants us out THAT VERY DAY.

Luckily the guys in HR (HR people in Japan actually do stuff for their employees. So refreshing) managed to organise me and my mate to live with this manager who lives near by in his one bedroom place. Well, he lives there with three other guys who crash on the floor. So now there are six of us here in this one bedroom place.

But back to the day we got kicked out, I arranged with one of the guys from work who finished about the same time as me to drive me back in his van so we could pick up all our stuff. I was packing stuff into my bags like a madman. We apologised and left at about midnight, back to the hotel to drop of 95% of our stuff. I have been living out of a small backpack for about a week now. It's tough.

So we arrived at the manager's apartment at about 1am. The manager is asleep, but he wakes up at about 1:30 - "Ok, let's go to the spa!" We soak away our stress in the specially salted waters of this establishment for a couple of hours, go for gyudon and a beer, and end up in bed around 4:30am.

The rest of the week was crazy-busy. There was a public holiday last week (I think there is one almost every week here in Japan) and so between work, looking for a new place to live, and getting drunk every night with my new temporary sharemates I didn't have time to fully appreciate how crazy my Japan adventure is getting.

To top things off, yesterday the manager and I happened to have the same day off work. So after cracking open first beers at 11am, we went for japanese style gengis kahn (Sydney's is better), more drinking until he fell asleep at a beer hall at about 5pm for about an hour. I got bored and so I went and made some new friends. (^o^) Then the manager wakes up and we walk around the town looking for some action. We decide that there wasn't anything going on, so we catch a train to Sapporo!

First bar we went to was all-you-can-drink (that reminds me - when you guys are here, I found an all-you-can-drink for 290yen, that's about AU$3.20 these days, for 30 minutes. bar-style karaoke included). And you want to drink a lot, because each time the bar girl goes and pours your drink you can see her pussy. Oh, I forgot to mention that the hostesses were all pantyless, and walking around on our table reaching up to use the alcohol-pouring devices. and their breasts were out for all to see, too. Some busty girls too, expecially considering they're asian. You guys are probably not the best crowd to make that comment to now, but it's late and I'm drunk. I have my own private girl come sit on the table in front of me for a bit and hold my hand while we chat. She was dumb, but it's kinda cute. Lucky my time with her was up quickly. Nice tits, too. Smooth skin.

Anyway, after a short while the show starts. Basically many variations of the same theme, where the girls spend a few minutes doing an activity before moving around the circle. Oh yeah, it was a circular bar, with all seedy gyuys like me sitting around and getting drunk.

So what were these games? Well, there was one where everyone had pen-lights. The lights went out, and while the girl in front was rubbing her pussy you use the penlight to see as much as you can. Funny stuff.

Then there was the one where the girls would grind their ass against your crotch in tune with the music, and the one where you have about 30 seconds fondling time. And then the one where they rubbed you crotch.

But the best game was the paper scissors rock, where the prize for beating them was a nice look at their pussy. Of course, they show you what they're going to play before hand, so you can't lose! I felt like a king!

I touched the breasts of about 12 different women last night. Closest I'd ever have come to that in Sydney is a measly 3 or 4 in one night, and they were all wearing a bra.

Anyway, the homeless thing will sort itself out. Hope you're all well.

RC
randomcow (email) - 06 November '05 - 21:49

Wow nice post. I've got a few wild KTV experiences to tell you about - but over email instead hehe
Al (email) - 09 November '05 - 12:48

Let the record show that my all-you-can-drink experience in Shibuya was waaay different to that. It was much more expensive, for one! :)

No wonder I'm getting referred to by all these pr0n sites. RC, have you been referring me?
Sounds like a great trip mate. Is your blog up yet?
JookBoy (link) - 09 November '05 - 14:57

I've started posting work-related stuff here:

http://participate.jhip.org/?cat=2

I don't know if you can set up a RSS feed to only read the stuff I'm posting though, so if you subscribe you might get all the unrelated posts too.

RC
randomcow - 19 November '05 - 22:19