Family Independence
I met a taxi driver today who had just completed his masters of accounting in Adelaide. His parents (from Pakistan) sent him here to do his degree. What struck me was that his family is very well off in Pakistan, doing that import/export business (one day, I'll do that and get rich!) and had offered to pay for all his expenses here. But this guy was very adamant that he would make his own way here, that he wouldn't ask his parents for money. And so he works nights as a taxi driver, and studies during the day. It makes for some hard hours, and I asked him about his grades, but he believes (barring one subject) he's doing pretty good in general.
That rite of passage, to prove that one can live independently of one's family, is something most young adults do during those uni years. I remember my own episode in those uni years where I felt I had to prove to my dad that I was financially independent, that I didn't need his car or his place to live, that I could find my own way. It was a foolish quest, and it failed spectacularly (I didn't move out nor give up the car :)) but it must have somehow laid the foundations for my belief that my parents don't owe me anything, nor for me to be stuck in a position where I continue to depend on my parents.
I'm glad that I got a scholarship during uni, as it meant that I was able to spend my own money, and do what I wanted to do. I think that Asian families don't quite have that Western mentality of "you're 18 now, you're on your own", but some of that Western upbringing must have rubbed off on me.
Having moved out about 5 years ago, and now about to move overseas, I definitely feel that I am an independent young adult, making my own way in the world.
There may be a time when I will see my parents as equals, but not yet. I may have passed my rite of passage, but I'm still a kid in the family.
2 comments:
It's a good feeling to be independent and live by your own means, but it's a better feeling to know you're lucky enough to have family as a safety net. To know they'll pull through for you if you ever need anything, before you even ask.
Asian parents often have the incredibly graceful mentality that they work hard to provide for their children. It's a generation of "what can I do for them?" instead of "what can others do for me?". They would be horrified to know that you think of it as them owing you.
As the youngest in the family there'll always be a bit of that 'you're the baby' view, no matter how long in the teeth we grow. It can be irritating, but kind of sweet at the same time. Only when we can truly stand on our own feet do we start to reach some resemblance of that feeling of 'equality'. Asking for respect whilst being dependant is a fruitless cause. Even now being in the late 20s, I don't feel like I am there yet either.
Nice post JB :)
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