The Curse Of Knowing Too Many People

I liked someone once. Sadly she was my flatmate's girlfriend's sister.
I liked someone else once. Sadly she was a friend of my ex.
I liked another someone else once. Sadly she was an ex of my friend.

In all cases, the reason for their lack of interest was not because I'm a bumbling fool (although I'm sure there are people out there who may think that is almost always the case :P), but rather, because of my linkages to the other party. The worse thing about these incidents was that (for 2 of them) I didn't even meet the person via the linkages that I had just described earlier.

What is it about linkages that make people feel uneasy? Do they feel that they are "sullying" the relationshp with their friend/ex/relo by liking someone else in the group? Will they be scared of social interactions that force the three parties to be together?

Granted, I would consider it quite off-limits to go after people that were, in past history, partners with my closer friends. What about acquaintances/less-close-friends? I find that nowadays I have this gut feeling that every mid-twenties Asian I see, I know them through some "six degrees of separation". If indeed this becomes more and more true (too many Friday night drinks!), will these scenarios come back to haunt me again and again?

I damn hope not...

On another note, if (as one of the linked people admitted readily) the person isn't even that close friends to your linkage, can this be a shady excuse for "I don't really like you"? :(

Damn! 19 cheap calls already:

There had to be a downfall of some sort in knowing "too many" people, right?
I think that i could in some way link everyone who is asian in my suburb and the 5 neighbouring suburbs, back to me. My point being...I dont like your chances...hehehe ;)
petals - 11 May '04 - 06:04

if there are still issues between the link and the girl, then forget about it, but if its long gone, and you both have interest then just go for it... sometimes we (and I do this all the time) over think situations and as a result we miss out on possible "great" experiences
ding! - 11 May '04 - 12:34

Thanks for the words of positive support, petals :)

And ding, in all cases, sadly the decision was made for me...it's pretty hard work to convince someone to consider if they've already made up their mind.
JookBoy (link) - 11 May '04 - 17:12

I find jedi mind tricks quite useful on these situations, Kev.
-Stephen- (email) (link) - 11 May '04 - 20:18

in the above cases, isn't the third party being a bit selfish? if you want to be with someone, and that someone wants to be with you, then in a circumstance where the path is clear (eg: you're both single) nobody else should get in the way. they're ex'es for a reason, the relationship didn't work out. they're not meant to be together. duh. is that suppose to stop the rest of everybody's life happening? think about it this way, if it's not you, it's just going to be another guy hitting on her. what's the difference?

or so what if she's a friend of an ex? or related to someone you're close to? i don't get why the linkage should get in the way, kev. if anything, the flatmate's gf should be telling her sis what a great guy you are. your ex should be thinking, "oh well, it didn't work out with us, maybe it'll work out better between them. best of luck trying to date that bastard" *grin*
reenie - 12 May '04 - 08:36

Reenie has a good point!
the vault (email) - 12 May '04 - 09:00

Maybe I didn't make myself clear in the post. The only person who objects is the person I like. The linkage person doesn't have any problems with the situation.
JookBoy (link) - 12 May '04 - 18:46

then maybe your other note was right... maybe they are using it as an excuse. I guess the only way to overcome these situations is to have a good time and show them what they're missing out on...
ding! - 13 May '04 - 06:36

I was gonna say that Reenie has a good point, but often its not the third party who is stopping it...its the other person that you are interested in.

The third person could be oblivious to it, and had they known...because they are not selfish, would insist that the two of you go for it! But that person doesnt know...and so therefore, you cant pin it on them for being selfish.

I think its a matter of the level of awkwardness that you are willing to overcome...some people are thick-skinned and so can take whatever that comes to them...whilst others have tissue paper thin skins, and rather not go through all the tough times just for a "chance" of a relationship working with all the "messy" details attached. Which really makes it there loss, if there is a loss.

Its like some people rather not explain how they met: "Oh, well...he went out with my sister about 6 months ago...and thats when we met..." at which point things go funny...can you handle it? if you can, then go do whatever you want, if you cant...your just gonna be more cautious. (btw, i dont have a sister...so im not speaking from experience...i could have said "he went out with my brother about 6 months ago..." *LoL* but that would be a lie too!)
petals - 13 May '04 - 10:45

Moving to another country always helps kev.
And i don't mean singapore or malaysia.
pskis - 13 May '04 - 14:38

yeah, try zimbabwe. it would be freaky to find 6 degrees of separation there.
Addy - 16 May '04 - 15:33

You would be surprised Addy :)
And yes, thanks for the advice pskis...but Singapore is so much fun!! :P
JookBoy (link) - 16 May '04 - 15:50

If you didn't know that many people, you wouldn't have met these girls in the first place. Think about that.
xtn (link) - 19 May '04 - 06:01

Stuff the connections. Go it :) Lifes too short mang...
Peedz - 19 May '04 - 17:49

I thought that the whole point of the 6 degrees of seperation theory was that everyone was connected to everyone else is some way or another, its just about figuring out how to make that connection (which was the basis of the 6 degrees from Kevin Bacon game). So for example, a farmer in Zimbabwe might know someone who knows one of the dropped Zimbabwean cricketers who knows a cricket coach in Australia who's company is being audited by someone from PWC, and that auditor happened to be in the same Uni class as Kev. With that in mind, then isn't everyone connected somehow? If you keep worrying about who knows who knows who and not spend time to get to know the person that you really want to get to know better (and then let what she finds out about you be the real merits in which she dismisses your romantic attempts) aren't you just making excuses. And if the girl you are after lets worries about the clash of interconnected friendships get in the way, then maybe she has problems with wanting to commit and is herself making up excuses to run away from romantic confrontation.

Or possibly, just possibly you haven't done enough to make the girl you're after lose her inhibitions, drop her apprehensions and open herself up to you. And if you've tried and tried and things still aren't going in your favour, then it's time to move on.
Dre - 20 May '04 - 10:15

Not much trying involved, to tell you the truth. And no, I'm not the one with the issue, unless that's what is coming across in my entry...
JookBoy (link) - 20 May '04 - 11:44

Im with muthaf*kn Dre. You gotz no issuez Kev.
Peedz - 21 May '04 - 14:18

just cant understand why friends dont want to see each other the happiest they can be. past is past...
pskis... singas works just fine.
bjee - 26 May '04 - 11:31

If there is a will, there is always a way. And if it doesn't work out, then at least you've tried. If you're afraid that people will talk, rest assured, people talk anyway, if it isn't about you doing one thing, it is probably about you doing another. Who really cares?
Stan (email) - 01 June '04 - 23:39